One Year Ago

I make an effort to review the quality of my life and its direction when I get the chance. I do this by comparing where I was a year ago to where I am now. I ask myself these questions; What was I doing last year at this time? Am I happier than I was a year ago? Did I reach the goals I set for myself? What did I want last year at this time? Do I still want it? Do I have it?

In July of 2011, I knew that I wanted to be a screenwriter. I didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t know how I could accomplish it. I didn’t think that completing college was going to help me towards that goal. I wanted to leave college. I didn’t like the debt that I was getting into. I felt like I was being scammed.  Outrageously priced books, mandatory waste of time classes, and other issues made me really regret going to college at all. My college wasn’t a bad one, but I didn’t think it was worth the price I was paying. Last year at this time, I wished I had never gone to college. I wanted to go back to when I hadn’t made the choice. I felt like college was going to keep me from doing what I really wnated to do.

Now, I’m still in college.   I’ve stopped caring about my grades completely. (Yet they are at the same level they’ve always been) I just write whatever I want on my papers and tests. I keep myself entertained by seeing what I can get away with. I try to have as much fun as possible in my life at every second. I’ve stopped stressing about the debt I have to pay off. I still don’t know how I’m going to become a screenwriter, but I’ve been reading about the lives that these people lead. I know now more than ever that it is what I want to do.

As much as I hate to say it, I have a more positive outlook on life now. I don’t know what happened over the past year to cause this, but I am happier.

Bizarro De Bizarro

Bloom. Bloom. Bloom. If you’ve ever stopped and listened in the middle of spring, you could hear the sound of a flower blossoming. Many don’t believe the sound exists. Those people cannot enjoy the simple things in life.

Children can enjoy the mundane things about life. If you leave a child alone with some cardboard, you could discover many different things when you return. Perhaps the child will have made the cardboard into a hat or a house depending on how much you left. Some children are not very creative and would just chew on the cardboard.

But an adult? They would just see garbage or nothing at all. This isn’t the case with all, but it’s what to be expected of adults. An adult is a not allowed to wear cardboard on their head. They’re not supposed to spend their day climbing trees and getting dirty. An adult is expected to pay the bills, get married, have children, and aid society. Where there was once imagination is now pragmatism. This is not always the case with every person.

But for those who lose their imagination when does it happen? When does a person lose their sense of adventure? Why does the imagination seem to die in some people as they edge closer towards their death? You would think with the inevitability of death, that people would want to do as much as possible. They would want to their life to be flexible. They would want to be free,.

But an adult is not free. They are tethered by bills. They are tethered by debts. They are tethered to obligations and responsibility. A ten year old can spend their day eating Doritos and watching cartoons with friends. A twenty year old should spend their day working for money and planning for the future. Adults who aren’t tethered are seen as bizarre. Adults who can hear the sound of flowers blossoming are few in numbers. If you asked a child to listen for the sound, they would try. If you asked an adult, they would say stop wasting my time.

Time. Once you truly understand, it becomes your worst enemy. You can never have enough of it. Your time in school will come to an end. Your time with your friends will come to an end. Your time on this planet will come to an end. In a mere two hundred years, you and  your friends will be forgotten.  Unless you have power.

Every memory you have is almost pointless. Once your brain slowly deteriorates, it almost doesn’t matter anymore how much you enjoyed that time you and your friends went to Six Flags. It almost doesn’t matter that time you almost drowned and shouted your friend’s name. It’s almost meaningless. It’s only completely meaningless once you’re dead.

Some people are already dead. They walk around as husks of meat. Worried about all their problems and never sit down to listen to the flowers blossom. They spend their lives obsessed with time. How much time it takes to get to and from work. How much time it will take them to pay off their student loans. How much time do they have left.

The sound of flowers blossoming isn’t very loud. It’s easy to imagine why nobody ever hears it.