WHAT A SLUT!

I want to talk about the word, “slut”. “Slut” is a great word. I don’t get to use it often. It slides out of the mouth and has a nice kick to it. It’s one of the tamer vulgar words. You can slip it into a PG movie. I put it in the same class as crap and damn. Those are the words a first grader learns and becomes the coolest kid in class.

I am a believer that no words are bad words. People misuse them overtime and they become considered bad words.

From what I can remember from eighth grade lunch, a “slut” was a girl who was too sexually loose, or wore short clothes or danced with her butt in the air, or rejected you for your romantic advances. It was also used to describe just girls in general. Because it made you cool to use the word.

Most of the time it’s about a girl being too sexually loose. Not for dudes. If a guy is called a slut, it’s a joke. You slap your knee after you say it. But for a girl, it’s said with contempt. There is that double standard.

Dude gets lots of chicks and he’s like the bomb. But if a girl does it, she’s not the bomb.

My understanding of this was that it’s generally accepted that dudes gotta try harder than the ladies for one night stands. Some dude don’t like seeing women out there having a good time while they’re struggling. It’s like how people don’t like it when teams run up the score in sports games. Guy can’t handle the girl doing all that so he’s gotta insult her.

Sexual Diseases are also a fear people have. So some dudes and women-ladies label the loose girls to warn others even if they don’t have a disease. It’s not cool to do that.

And some men associate many different sexual partners with an inability to commit.I don’t know if the science is there, but I can understand skepticism. If you’re searching for a lifetime partner and the other person has been with a lot of people, you might be wary of their ability to commit to you.

Should people be judged by their sexual history? I think so. It’s a part of who they are. They made their decisions. They should just own it. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. It doesn’t make you a horrible person unless you slept with Bill Lumberg. Then you deserve to suffer for the rest of your sorry existence.

Should people be made to feel bad or shamed for their sexual history? Probably not. But it’s going to happen. That’s nature.

Or nurture. One of those.

Words only have power if we give them power though. It’s how you take in that information. You can’t let a bunch of losers like get you down by saying things about you.

This was a blog post. I’m done now.

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Moo?

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Is sexual attraction biological or social? The real answer is some sort of mix, but I’d want to test that. The only problem is how do you separate biology from society? Only a being with absolute divine power could do that sort of heavy-lifting.

I came with this experiment that I would do if I had divine power.

I’d take a thousand straight dude of various ages and put them in a space ship. Why a spaceship? They’re going somewhere. But not before I use my special machine. This machine would have the power to zap all their memories and social experiences regarding romance and sex. All these guys would forget what the ideal woman looks like. They’d forget how to love and who they’re supposed to love. They’re back to zero, only instincts. And then I’d wipe their memories of women entirely.

I leave their sex drives in tact because I need them for my experiment.

Then using my great divine power, I would create a planet. I’m not very original so it’d be just like Earth. The only difference being women have been replaced by cows. This would be an entire world where man and cow are lovers. I’d use my divine power to give them a cloning machine too because I’m not allowing half-cow half-human creatures. None of that while I’m in control.

I would transport all those now sexually primal men here to this man/cow love planet. Normal guys from our normal version of Earth with our normal human man on human woman loving. They’d get off the ship and see billboards with men kissing cows. On television, they could see relationships develop on bad television between man and cow. They’d see cows walking around hoof and hand with a man.

I wonder if after sometime in this man/cow love world if these guys would start warming up to the idea of a cow being their soul mate. Would their primal instincts drown out all the social noise and remind them that they are supposed to be into human women?

Is societal pressure so strong that men would ignore their instincts and do what everyone else is doing?

These are the types of things I think about when I’m on long car rides by myself.

A is for…

During my continued adventures collecting information about unconventional love and relationships for a future writing project, I stumbled upon this interesting documentary about a lesser known sexual orientation.

Asexuality is the complete lack of sexual desire or want. I wasn’t aware of this sexual orientation until finding this documentary. There are people out there who have no desire for sex at all. They’re normal people just don’t care for sex.

There’s an asexual couple in this that speak about both their struggles and joys in their sexless relationship. David Jay is a focal point of the documentary and he discusses a few radical relationship ideas. He viewed his lack of sexual attraction as a door to different deeper connections. He wanted to treat each of his friendships like people treated their romantic partners. Unfortunately for him, other people didn’t want to see it his way.

By far the most shocking scene is when a group of Asexuals marched in an LGBT parade in San Francisco. While some were receptive to the group, others were definitely not. There were lesbians and gay men who wanted nothing to do with them, The hypocrisy of their actions was completely lost to them. I was very disappointed in what went on there.

If you’re looking to spend an hour with very unique people, check this one out.

I’ve been trying to get my hands on a good arranged marriages documentary next. I read in this news article that arranged marriages had a similar level of happiness to marriages with choice. I want to see how a couple works on a long term relationship when love is not and never was a part of the equation.

What is the glue to arranged marriages? I must know.

The Zone

For Day Two of Valentine’s Week here on Cynic No More, I’m going into a familiar place for a lot of people. It’s caused a lot of pain, grief, and allowed trite quotes to be liked on Facebook.

The Friend Zone.

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Note here. When I say the word “men” or “women” always assume that I don’t mean all men and all women. Goes without saying but that I’d say it either way.

I. THE SITUATION

If somehow you don’t know about or been a part of this phenomenon, let me give to ya real quick.

Two Friends. One starts to develop romantic and/or sexual feelings for the other. The other does not return the feelings, liking things as they are. Leaving the friend with feelings in a situation

There are variations to the story. Some people wanted romance the entire time but felt more comfortable being friends before hand. Others develop feelings as time went on.

This is a rather sucky well-known situation that has led to many vitriolic blog posts from men and women alike. MTV made a television show out of this.

Much of the frustration comes from the passing of the burden of the feelings. Guys complain about friend-zoned all the time. Women feel attacked for not being interested in someone. Or they see the friendship was a ruse set up to trick her into sex.

The usual way it goes is it’s the guy getting friend zoned. I don’t doubt that happens to women, but it appears to be rarer. My female friends have never mentioned being in the friend zone to me. I never overheard the girls in the front of my homeroom back in high school talk about this as I eavesdrop. They more vented about men wanting only sex without commitment. Perhaps women are more likely to keep these happenings to themselves? Or just not share them with me?

II. OUTCOMES

Quite a few ways this can end.

The Guy Remains the Genuine Friend
The most agreeable ending. The guy recognizes they’re incompatible. He stays in touch and is happy to see her pursue love in other places. Their friendship remains strong. His feelings dissipate or kept in check for the sake of the friendship.

Image: FILE PHOTO: 70 Years Since The Casablanca World Premiere Casablanca

The Guy Cuts Off All Contact
See ya later! The friendship is over! The guy decides he’s not going to suffer and watch a person he loves, love someone else. I had a co-worker who went off about this during late-night shifts. She was a little socially awkward and was bullied by the girls at her school. So she opted to get guy friends. Without fail, all of them fell passionately in love with her. Upon her rejection of them, they all hit the road. They took away their late night texting sessions. They stopped their Skyping. They pretend like they didn’t know her.

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The Guy Plots
Some day he will escape this zone and her love will be his! The guy who remains the friend for today and plots his rise to romantic partnership silently in the shadows. Rarely works out.

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The Girl Ignores
He just couldn’t get the clue. Maybe she felt he betrayed her trust by pursuing her. Maybe she realized he wasn’t that great a friend after all. Ignored. Blocked. Removed from the Steam Friendlist.

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Mutual Split
It’s painful for both of them and so both decide to never see each other again. The downer.

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They Get Together
The girl decides why not give it a chance? The relationship works. This is the cutest outcome. Genuine love. Every time I see this happen for someone, I start giggling on the inside. Story tellers adore this ending.

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III. CONCLUSION

The drama here is that there is no real compromise between friendship and romantic relationships. A suitable in-between would shut everyone up. Friends with benefits is not it. I have not seen that go anywhere good. If you try to trickle down some romance into friendship, that begs a simple question. Why don’t you just date them?

I don’t think anyone should date someone due to pressure but neither should someone be a part of a friendship that isn’t fulfilling for them. There are limits to friendship. To desire more from a person is not wrong. Wanting to be the one who makes their beloved’s eyes light up and their heart melt is an admirable desire.

The Friend Zone breeds negativity. Close friendships end. People become bitter. Some develop toxic thoughts about the other gender.

All because a friend liked a friend more than they ought to.

The World’s Oldest Profession

So the other day I’m vacuuming my house and moving around furniture, and this question surfaces to the top of my mind. It might have been because Law and Order:SVU was on.

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Why is prostitution illegal? Why does the government need to stop two consenting adults from having sex if money is exchanged?

A person can pay two people to have sex on tape for a porn video. The government has no issue there. They’ll gladly take their tax money. But if you take the camera and director away, the government now has their eye in that bedroom. If there is an exchange of money, someone is going to prison.

Strip clubs exist. Money can be exchanged for sexual arousal. You can pay to gaze at naked women swinging around on poles. And in the back, you can pay more for an erotic lap dance with sexual contact.

What is it about penetrative sex that the government has a problem with? What is there to fear about legalized prostitution?

With that industry regulated, sex workers are now safer. They are now protected by the government and away from their dangerous pimps. Their clients are no longer criminals sneaking around in the dead of night. Sexually transmitted diseases won’t be a problem for either party if the government is able to give regular tests. What is there to fear?

Beyond adherence to the morals of religion, I can’t think of a single legitimate reason. But I know brothels will not become commonplace around this country any time soon.

It’s political suicide for anyone to champion this. It might be easier for a female politician, but would any be willing to risk alienating potential supporters? Could they gain ground at the national level fight for legalized prostitution?

Nah.

The Surprising History of Sex and Love

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1md4xh_the-surprising-history-of-sex-and-love_shortfilms

I’m in the midst of researching for a novel I want to write sometime this year. It’s been bugging me for the past year and a half. I’ve been watching and taking notes on documentaries about love, sexuality, marriage, and divorce.

This documentary is a very solid one. It’s a quick trip through the history of mankind’s relationship with sex and love. Have you ever wondered where the concept of “hot blondes” comes from? Have you ever wondered which cereal was invented to deter masturbation? You’ll want to watch this.

It’s crazy how sex was once out in the open and then became a shameful act. Some dude decided this biological urge was wrong. And then everyone had to follow that dude’s rules for hundreds of years. That sentiment lingers today.

Cultural inertia is a powerful force.