Report: Russell Wilson Fires Orthopedist

In a move that did not shock many, Russell Wilson has decided to fire Michelle Peters, his personal orthopedist.

Bob Condotta of the Seattle Times reports that Michelle Peters, Wilson’s orthopedist throughout his career in the NFL, has been shown the door.

Schefter

After being repeatedly knocked on his ass by NFL defensive lineman during his rookie year, Wilson hired Peters to ensure his butt made it through the rest of his career. Peters utilized a team of chiropractors and masseuse to realign Wilson’s tailbone and skin tissue following games where he was knocked flat on his butt.

From 2012 to 2015, Wilson was thrown violently onto his buttocks 280 times. This was the highest butt collision rate in a four year span since the NFL Merger. Peters has had to do twelve complete reconstructions of Wilson’s butt, each of these followed games against the Los Angeles Rams.

It is speculated that money is the reason behind this recent release. When the Seahawks traded Max Unger for Jimmy Graham in 2015, Wilson was forced to make Peters the highest paid orthopedist in all of professional sports to prevent her from leaving for other pastures. After the Seahawks recent firing of OL coach Tom Cable, Peters became expendable.

Wilson released a statement this moment, addressing the firing.

Wilson

Peters has not been shaken by the firing. She has visits with the New York Giants and the Indianapolis Colts already set for next week.

Sources close to her say that she is keeping an eye on what Tom Cable does next. If an NFL team is stupid enough to hire him to be their offensive line coach, she will give their quarterback a phone call. She has said that wherever Tom Cable is, there is a quarterback in need of her services.

 

Photo Credits:

Ted S. Warren/AP
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Russell Wilson’s Contract Negotiations End!

After months of intense negotiations, Russell Wilson and the Seattle Seahawks have finally agreed to terms on a new contract. And this might just be the biggest contract in professional sports history.

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As part of Wilson’s new contract, he will be given 120 million yen, an electric razor, thirty bags of candy corn, five golden rings and a lifetime’s supply of Hubba Bubba Gum. These items will be dispersed over the next five years. In addition to those items, the city of Seattle will be renamed to Russell and Paul Allen, Seattle Seahawks owner, has agreed to rename the Seahawks to The Wilsons.

The former Seattle Seahawks, now Russell Wilsons held a press conference today in front of Centurylink Field with General Manager John Schneider and Russell Wilson to announce the contract signing.

“I’m so glad to have this opportunity to have not only a city named after me but a team too. Not many players get here. God made me for this. I hope to play for the Russell Wilsons for rest of my career. Go Wilsons!” Wilson said to on-site reporters.

“After Cam Newton’s new contract, I knew there was no way we could possibly pay Russ traditionally and keep this team together. I looked in the rulebook and there was nothing that said a man can’t be paid this way.” Schneider elaborated to the audience.

This could have a tremendous impact on the on-going negotiations between Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts. Sources close to Andrew Luck say he may ask for the city to be named after him. This could be a good move for the Colts as nobody is really quite sure how to spell Indianapolis anyway.

In other Wilsons news, Michael Bennett is not expected to be back for training camp. He is holding out for a better contract. A source close to him says he wants more money and to have his beard be the logo for the Russell Wilsons.

Seahawks Wins/Losses for the 2015-16 season.

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It’s stupid to make predictions now for the upcoming football season. There are five months until the season starts. Who knows what could happen between then and now? Russell Wilson could OD on heroin. Marshawn Lynch could . Bruce Irvin could actually get a DUI. Pete Caroll might invent a time machine and correct his mistake. Certainly no football expert would waste their time trying.

Luckily I’m no football expert. So here’s my predictions.

Seattle Seahawks 2015-2016

Home (8-0)

The Seahawks should go undefeated at home next year. The past two years they dropped one game. I’ll stick with 8-0 even though they did drop one home game the past two years.

Vs. Cardinals (W)
The Cardinals are a good team.I felt so bad for their fans. At one point, they were 9-1. And then everything fell apart so quickly. They made it into the playoffs running on fumes. They won’t be in that condition once the season starts, but I see Seattle beating them here. Of all the teams that could beat Seattle at home, I think they have best shot.

Vs. Rams (W)
This will be a hard game. The Rams are the team that scare me the most when the Seahawks play them. They are a tricky team with a tricky coach. And they’re getting better. If they can get their offense going, they’ll become the biggest threat to the Hawks in west.

Vs. Browns (W)
This is going to be the close game that’s expected to be a blow out going on. Seahawks will eek out a win here. I have no basis for it being close. I just have this gut feeling.

Vs. Steelers (W)
I’m looking really forward to this game. The Seahawks haven’t played the Steelers in the Russell Wilson era. Ben Roethlisberger has never been in Centurylink. And the people of Seattle haven’t forgotten Superbowl 40. The ghost of Matt Hassellbeck will watch over this game with intent.

vs. Panthers (W)
This game will be okay and the Seahawks will win.

Vs. Bears (W)
I have no opinion on the Bears. There’s 32 teams. I can’t keep up with them. I have no opinions on the Titans, Bears, Bengals, and The bears have a great mascot, but the team seems to be struggling. I don’t think they turn it around next year. I hope they do. Bears are awesome and they shouldn’t be represented by a mediocre team.

vs. 49ers (W)
The Niners are in rough shape. Lost their coach. Half their team has retired. Perhaps the quest for six will be a lot longer than their fans expected.

In 2014, the Seahawks owned the Niners. The Hawks ended their Superbowl aspirations with the tip in that NFCC game. They ate turkey on their logo after a blowout in their own stadium.

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Kaep is not good in Centurylink. Sherman has him downloaded. I read some rumors that he’s trying to become a better pocket passer. I don’t see him getting there in Seattle. This will be a win for Seattle. The only way they lose is if Tharold Simon screws up.

Vs. Detroit (W)
The Seahawks should never have let Golden Tate go. It is my feeling that he would be the solution to a lot of their problems on offense. But that’s just me. This will be his revenge game. He ain’t winning though. I wish he could come back.

Away (5-3)

The Seahawks are an excellent team at home. They’re good on the road, but they drop a few game here and there. I expect next year to be no different.

At Packers (W)
The Packers are going to be out for blood in this game, but I don’t think it will be enough. The Seahawks match up really well against the Packers. If Russell Wilson had an average day that NFCC game could have been a blow out. The defense was on fire that game. They played out of their minds to keep it close. Aaron Rodgers will be back to his regular self. This will be a great game.

At Ravens (L)
The Seahawks have to lose on the road. And this is an acceptable loss. It’s a playoff team. Russell Wilson will have one of his funky games.

At Cowboys (L)
The Cowboys are a little worse now. The Seahawks lost to them in Seattle, but that was when Percy Harvin’s bitch ass was still on the team. Still it’s a road game. I expect this to be a loss.

At 49ers (W)
I predict the Hawks to sweep them again.

At Bengals (W)
The Bengals are pretenders.

At Vikings (W)
This game I’m not confident on. I need to read up more on the Vikings. I say this is a soft W. I know they have a young QB who’s not bad.

At Cardinals (W)
I don’t feel too hot about this prediction either. Sweeping the Cards last year only happened because of Ryan Lindley and their defense giving up. I’ll keep the W here, but this is one I would not be surprised to see being an L.

At Rams (L)
The trickery of the Rams beat Seattle last year. Their coach said he had two tricks left to use on Seattle in their Week 17 game. He didn’t get to use them. He’s going to pull them out here in St. Louis where trickery runs wild.

So I’m predicting a 13-3 season. That’s high expectations for this team. They were 7-9 only four years ago. They could drop down there again. A few balls swing the other way last year and they don’t make it to the Superbowl.

The offense should be better next season. Russell Wilson will be another year wiser. Marshawn can continue to do Marshawn Lynch things. Christine Michael might come into his own. If Jimmy Graham is not a bust, that’d be swell for the team too. I can’t tell if struggling early on in games is a part of the design of the Seahawks offense. More blow-outs would be nice to see.

The defense should be around the same. Tharold Simon, who was my least favorite Seahawk last year, will get his shit together. I lost faith in him, but I’m giving him a second chance. That was his rookie year. The only thing about the defense is that if Bobby Wagner or Earl Thomas goes down, the dark times are coming to Seattle.

I hope Mebane is back in time for Week 1. I missed his belly dances throughout the post season.

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I’ll double back on this post right before preseason and before week one. Then depending on the Seahawks playoff situation, I’ll review my preview in December.

That is if I haven’t contracted a terminal disease or been in an unfortunate fatal motor-vehicle accident. Those things could delay my review.

Black Enough

“For some reason we are brainwashed to think, if you’re not a thug or an idiot, you’re not black enough. If you go to school, make good grades, speak intelligent, and don’t break the law, you’re not a good black person. It’s a dirty, dark secret in the black community.”

-Charles Barkley

Last week Charles Barkley dropped this little tirade on the black community. He responded to a rumor that supposedly Russell Wilson, quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, was considered not black enough by his fellow teammates and that had led to a rift between him and his teammates. Though that rumor was later confirmed to be false by Russell Wilson, I believe Charles Barkley is right on the money with his comments. I’ve been through what he’s talking about.

You speak properly. You do your homework. You don’t make any trouble. And then you get slammed with

“You want to be like them!”

“Think you’re better than the rest of us.”

“You’re not black.”

It got to a point where I would shrug my shoulders in response. I didn’t get what these black people wanted from me. What did I need to prove to them to be really black? What was being “black enough”? I just accepted it. Guess I’m not black then. Guess I’m an Oreo whatever that is.

It took me a long time to realize that those black people didn’t own the black identity nor did they have the right to decide who was black and who wasn’t. They didn’t get to tell me what I am. I defined me.

Barkley’s comments reminded me of Rob Parker’s inquisition into RGIII’s blackness from a few years ago.

For those of you who don’t know Rob Parker, he was a sports analyst on ESPN. One day he went after the quarterback on the Washington Redskins, questioning his blackness. You can see his very ignorant comments in the video below.

Is this only a black thing? Do white people deal with other whites saying they aren’t white enough? Or Latinos? Asians?

Who are these blackness investigators? Where do they come from? Who appointed them to check out and measure blackness? Is there a committee I don’t know about that deals with this? Where do they get their criteria for blackness from?

These investigators always seem to go after any black person having success. Like achieving in life is a sign that you’re likely to stop being black. They never evaluate the blackness of criminals and thugs.

I never heard anything like,

“You just got out of jail for the same shit you went in for? I’m not sure you’re really black then.”

or

“You failed class because you skipped? That’s not very black of you.”

A black man who’s a criminal is accepted. He’s fine. The black community accepts you.

A black man with a white fiance busting his ass everyday trying to live his dream? They’re going to start looking into your blackness. You might not be black enough. You might just be an “Uncle Tom” or “Oreo”. Maybe you’ll be deemed an “honorary white”.

Interesting double standard.

Why do some black people need to make another person’s racial integrity their business? It’s not helping anyone. They’re creating a bigger problem. Smart black children could be dissuaded from higher education because of this sentiment. I’ve overheard children teasing one another about doing homework and studying. Is that what we want?

Why is there this belief that if you don’t fit a certain mold, you’re not black? Is it because certain blacks equate success with selling out their race? Do they think that to be black means you have to suffer? You have to be poor? You have to be married to a black woman?

In the video, Rob Parker gives a vague definition of what being black is. Not having a white fiance, not voting Republican, being down with the “cause” and having dreads.

If some black dude wants to vote republican, then he should be able to without being bothered. If some black guy doesn’t want to have dreads, he shouldn’t have to worry about losing black points. If some black woman wants to marry a white man, there should be no problem. The thing that these blackness investigators forget to realize is that the black experience can’t be ripped away from someone.

You can question their racial integrity but you can’t change how that person feels when they’re pulled over by the police. You can’t take away the eyes staring at their every move when they walk into a 7/11 at night. You can’t make them feel any more comfortable when someone says “you’re better than those other blacks”. You can’t kick them out of the race just because they live their life different than yours.

You can’t.

They’ll always be black and you can’t do anything about it.