Hell Hath No Fury.


So I overheard this girl today talking about her issues with a guy. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on her conversation. I had to wait in line behind her and her friend. The sound of their chatter forced its way into my head. My brain had to process that information. I had no choice but to listen to them.

I got behind them in line too late to learn all the details. Whoever the man in the story was, he was messing up. This young girl in her twenties was red in the face with anger talking about what she was going to do to him. What I did find out was this man was not the official boyfriend yet. He was on the path to boyfriend-dom. If their relationship were a status bar, I’d say he was 75 percent boyfriend from how she spoke of him. He might have been a friend with benefits. She had strong feelings for him and thought he returned those feelings. Until he did something at a party with another girl.

The storyteller didn’t specify what he did with that girl. Clearly it was the wrong decision. She told her friend that now she had to do some “crazy bitch shit”.

Her exact words.

After that proclamation, the cashier rang up their chocolate bar and bottle of water. She and her friend ran like hell out of the store. Likely to do that “crazy bitch shit” that she needed to do.

This left me thinking. What was crazy bitch shit?

Her friend knew. She had no questions as they left.

was there just crazy shit? was there normal bitch shit? Why the emphasis on crazy?

At what point was a woman driven to do crazy bitch shit? What had this man done with this other girl? Was it deserving of having crazy bitch shit done to him?

I knew from the way she spoke that this wasn’t the first time she had had to do crazy bitch shit. She was very confident in her ability to do it to this guy.

I did not envy this man. He should have thought twice before doing what he did with that other girl. Now he has to live with consequences and have crazy bitch shit done to him.

If I were a religious man, I’d pray for him.

But I’m not.

Your Uterus and You.

I have been thinking about abortions a lot lately. There’s just something about the holiday season that makes me think about the sanctity of life, fetuses and women’s rights. It’s the hottest of hot button issues.

Abortion debates bring up many questions. When does life begin? Is that answer in science or philosophy? What is a person’s responsibility to their unborn child? Once pregnant, should they be forced to carry the baby until it is born? Should the government be telling women what to do with their bodies anyway? What business do they have dictating to people what they should and shouldn’t do in their homes? Do not women have the right to decide whether they will have a child or not? And what if it were illegal? What should the punishment be for an illegal abortion? Should there be jail time? If abortions are permitted, should society encourage them? Should people who get abortions be proud of them?

These questions are why I find my mind coming back to this issue. Each of them requires a sophisticated answer because the development of the fetus in the mother’s womb is such a strange happening. A mother, person with rights of her own, has another person or person-in-the-making (depends on who you talk to) living inside her.

Ninety percent of abortion discussion is coming up with absurd scenarios to try and equate the strange pregnant mother-unborn child relationship. People have come up with everything, from being a homeowner evicting an unwanted guest to waking up attached to a violinist, all in an attempt to sway people’s opinions one way or the other.

I am easily swayed. I find myself going between pro-life and pro-choice nonstop. I’ll read a pro-choice comment on a blog and be one hundred percent gung-ho about it until I read a follow-up blog post about the importance of life. I can’t make up my mind. The arguments are so well-reasoned on both sides. I wish they could both be right.

I had a long blog post prepared to discuss both positions at length and to finalize my own position on the issue. But then I read this opinion piece and realized I had to immediately delete my blog post.

“In the House currently sitting 362 men, there are only 76 women. There is no reason why a group of people should even be voting on women’s reproductive rights, especially one where the men outnumber the women four to one. Men do not have the right to an opinion in the matter of abortion.

So according to this young woman, only those with uteri have been bestowed with the power to have valid opinions about abortions. I can accept that, but I do have some questions.


At what age does a person gain this “valid opinion on abortion” power? Is it all persons with uteri young and old? Does an eight-year-old girl have a more valid opinion than her father on abortions? Or is it only after she’s reached the age of majority?

What if a person with a uterus gets their opinion on abortions from a person without a uterus? Like an adult woman reads some pro-choice blog by a guy and then forms her opinion based on that guy’s information. The man’s opinion was invalid due to his lack of uterus. Is that opinion now valid because a woman has that exact same opinion?

What if a woman’s uterus becomes damaged? Not to be graphic, but things happen in this life. The uterus is not indestructible.  Would damage to a woman’s uterus impede her ability to argue about abortions? Are her opinion on abortions less valid than a woman who has a perfectly functioning uterus? Or is the possession of the uterus all that is needed for the opinion? Is that something a doctor can fix if it does happen?

What if a woman is born without developing a uterus? This is a real ailment.  Is she the same as a man since she can’t have kids? If a woman donates her uterus to her, would she be fine then?  What if that woman has an artificial uterus inserted? Like scientists build her a new uterus. Do those count?

Is the valid abortion argument power in the uterus or in the woman herself? If it’s the former, then what if a woman loses her uterus? Women can have their uterus removed and live. Like what if some girl had a really crazy night out. Like the craziest night out ever. What if she woke up the next morning and her uterus was gone. If she were to go online and argue with a pro-lifer, would she still have valid arguments? Does her prior experience with a uterus make her okay?

What if a woman was born without a uterus, had an artificial science uterus installed that got damaged, and then lost that uterus after a really crazy night?

What about marriage? Man and wife share everything. Can a woman share her uterus power with her husband? Like, let’s say her husband loves to go down to the abortion clinic and protest. The wife doesn’t need the power as she’s going grocery shopping. Can she lend it out to him for the day? What if she goes with him and just stands there holding his hand? Could his opinions be valid then?

Here’s a scenario. A woman paralyzed from the neck down spends all her day in a hospital bed. Prior to the accident that left her unable to move, the greatest joy in her life was arguing with people on the internet about abortions. After the accident, she can only move her eyes and eyelids. She works out a system of communication with her male caretaker. He reads her the latest articles about abortions off the internet to keep her knowledge sharp. She decides that her condition is not going to hold her back from the greatest joy in her life. So she has him respond to articles for her. He is only a puppet. Are her opinions now invalid because a person without a uterus is typing them out for her? Or are they okay because the original source is a person with a uterus?

What if a guy has a woman regurgitate all his opinions on abortions? Like let’s say I had a woman write the blog post I wanted to write on abortions. Would it now be valid because a woman technically wrote it?

The original woman in question said you have to have a uterus but she did not say you have to have one inside of you. Let’s say a uterus falls off a truck. It was on its way to the Uterus Transplant clinic, hit a bump in the road that sent uteri flying. Some weirdo picks the uterus up, puts it on ice, and  Now he technically has his own uterus. Has he now gained the power to have valid opinions on abortion?

She failed to mention you have to have a human uterus. Can a female deer have a valid opinion on abortions? What if scientists teach a female deer how to talk and its first words are “The unborn are organisms. They are not merely a ‘part of the woman’s body,’ unless you take the position that a pregnant woman has four arms, four legs, twenty fingers, two heads, two noses, and half the time, working male genitalia. As philosopher Richard Stith points out, human beings do not develop piece-by-piece like a car; rather, they develop themselves from within like an old Polaroid picture.” Would have to heed the deer’s words?

Can uterus power stack? If a woman were to come into possession of two uteri, does she have stronger arguments for her position on abortion than the average woman? If uterus power does stack, is there a limit? What’s stopping some woman from going psycho and murdering millions of women and collecting their uteri one by one like the monster from Jeepers Creepers except only with uteri? She could have the power of a million uteri at her fingertips. Everyone’s stances on abortion would become invalid in the presence of this giant uterus monster.

I can do anything better than you! Even suffer!


-Twelve-Year-Old Me when a shutout kickball game became a tie.

In seventh grade kickball on Fridays, we’d play boys vs. girls. The boys always won in a slaughter but it was not a cakewalk. We’d have to kick with our left feet if we took an early lead. The gym teacher would give the girls more points if the gap got too big. One game we weren’t allowed to run. The concept of male privilege would have been as lost on Twelve-Year-Old Me.

It would be five years later that I’d faced with this idea of male privilege. My twelfth grade sociology teacher taught a class on the struggles of women through out time. I was slightly smarter at seventeen than five years prior so I took notes and paid attention in class. I was a good student. I had no trouble accepting that women hadn’t cruised through history. But then my teacher dropped this bomb at the end of her lesson.

“Even today men have it much better than women.”

My hand zipped into the air! I had to ask a question.

“You said men have it better. How can men have it better if you can be drafted to go die in a war just cause you were born a guy?”

My pencil was all ready to scribble down her answer. My brain prepped to soak in that sweet knowledge she was about to lay on me.

“I don’t think anyone should be able to be drafted.”

And then she gave us worksheets and that was it! I was left confused. I wanted to see her after class, but then decided to talk to my friends about video games in the hallway instead. So that question remains unanswered.

Do men have it better than women?

Virtually everyone would say it’s axiomatic that men have it better than women. I remain skeptical when it comes to the Western World.

I love reading crime statistics. That was a favorite hidden hobby of mine back when I was seventeen. I used to compare the trends of violence over the years to the portrayal in the media. It was like the more violence went down, the more violent stories were covered on television. Quite the dangerous inverse proportion.

One thing I’ve learned from all my fun time researching is that men are much likely to be the victim of a violent crime than women. They are far more likely to murdered, beaten, robbed, and a bunch of other nasty stuff. The only violent crime women outrank men is rape.

Men more successfully kill themselves more than women. Men die more on the job more than women. Men are more likely to end up in prison or become homeless. Can you say someone has it better if society is more likely to drive them to be a violent criminal? I’d have some trouble.

If you look at the tops of society, you will find men soaring. Men are more likely to be doctors, CEOs, and a bunch of other kickass stuff. But not many people look down and see the bodies of men laying on the ground. Men get to soar to the top, but they also sink.

I wouldn’t go as far to say women led easier lives. They have different equally as bad crap to deal with. I have trouble in general saying anyone has an easier life than another. It’s easy to observe someone else and pick out the good parts and not see what you might have over them. You might also miss what sucks about their life. Grass is always greener.

If you think I’m absolutely wrong and that men objectively have better lives than women, I’m open to hearing out your opinion. I’d love to have a discussion about it.


The Guys Who Finish Last


This post was inspired by Scott Alexander’s Radicalizing the Romanceless. Scott Alexander writes these articulate very well-researched and rational essays. If you have a spare half hour, I urge you to check out this article and his entire site.

Now for the galactically feared, globally reviled, universally despised – Nice Guys


Let’s define Nice Guy.

Here’s Wikipedia’s definition (Number One on Google).

“A nice guy is an informal term for a teenage or adult male who is gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable.”

Here’s geekfeminism.wikia.com’s definition. (Number Two on Google Search)

“Nice Guy™ is a term in Internet discourse describing a man or teenage boy with a fixation on a friendship building over time into a romance, most stereotypically by providing a woman with emotional support when she is having difficulties with another male partner. “

The first one is the one I’ll be using for discussion. This was close to my own personal definition. The fixation on friendship aspect is foreign to me.


Where do Nice Guys come from? What causes a young man to go down the dark trail of being nice for romance?

Shyness, introversion, and lack of self-esteem. If you’re not good at communicating with people, you might drift towards relying on being nice to entice potential partners. Nice guys might also be practicing The Golden Rule. They would like a girl who is pleasurable to be around and shows interest in them and so they do the same to girls they like. A personal example of this, I once left love poetry in this girl’s locker that I liked in high school. If she had done the same for me, I’d have been over the moon. But that was not what she wanted.

Parents should always bare the blame for everything that happens ever. A teen boy could go home and get love advice from his mother. She might instill her son with what she values in a partner rather than what girls his age value.

I’d also say society is unsure of what the contemporary man should be. We’re trying to help women take center stage after being shafted for far too long. Traditional gender roles break down. Where does that leave men? What is expected of you as customs and culture change? I have yet to get a definitive answer to this. This lack of knowing trickles down into dating. What role are you supposed to play? Some men can’t figure it out.

It also might be in the nature of the guy because he’s a genuinely nice emotionally sensitive person.


“She’s just hit the nail on the head with what bothers me about the Nice Guy (TM) rhetoric, those whines from some men about how it’s so unfair that women won’t flock to be with them when he’s a “decent” bloke who doesn’t do nasty things to women, and what more do they want? Well, colour us as unreasonably demanding, but women do tend to want a little bit more than a guy who simply refrains from being nasty like it’s some great sacrifice.

These whines that this young woman refers to stem from shattered expectations of young guys. They were nice to girls and then were shockingly rejected. And then it happened again. Maybe even a third time after that. So now they have to answer a question. Who is to blame for these rejections? Women or themselves?

Women get the blame by a lot of dudes. They develop toxic opinions about women. Women-blamers are on a lot of dating websites. He’ll greet a girl with a nice message. He’ll do it twice. If there’s no response, fuck her, yet another stupid stuck up bitch. She’ll get a nasty last message. He’s entered the dangerous loop where women push him away because he’s bitter and he’s bitter because women push him way. I wonder what happens to these sort of guys….

Some guys blame themselves and use it as motivation to be better. They’ll start working out. Others give up because they think women aren’t worth any additional effort. I had a conversation with one of my younger cousins about that. He’s around fifteen. I asked him if he was talking to any girls. And he said no, they’re not worth his time. I laughed as he was so young to be that cynical about romance.

And others just complain.

“I’m a nice guy. I treat women right. Why can’t I catch a break? I’d be a good boyfriend. Give me a chance.”

These dudes think girls wanting more than a nice guy is an unreasonable demand. I get why. Everyone says so, even some women. Movies and television say the good guy gets the girl. Writers love this story. It’s so easy to write. That’s why you see it all the time. The virtuous man gets love and every man has an equal chance at it.

But love is inherently unfair. Nobody is an equal opportunity lover. People love with regard to race, age, marital status, creed, color, sex, handicap, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, and a lot hell of a lot more. Virtuosity is not taken into account until later if it is taken into account at all.

Why would society lead these men to believe one thing when another is true?

Because girls are supposed to want the virtuous man. But they’re people and they aren’t a certain way. I get their frustration with the situation. Having to bring guys down to reality and being hated just for not being attracted to someone. It gets worse when some of these nice guys aren’t as nice as they advertise as I mentioned above.


The tension on both sides is palpable once anyone mentions a Nice Guy. How can things be smoothed over? What should be done with Nice Guys? Like most dating/relationship issues, there is no smooth solution. I have nothing.

Because if you give someone advice on what women want, you don’t have any authority to do so. Not even women can tell you what a particular girl wants or needs from her partner or what you may need to do. It’s hard to articulate exactly what you want. There’s a lot that words fail. It’s very much on the person to pick up signals. You can’t coach that.

So no solution. Life sucks for some people.

Maybe I’ll have a solution to this in 2020.