Cartoon Network to Reboot Johnny Bravo In 2017

Deadline has reported that Cartoon Network will move forward with a new version of their late 90s hit, Johnny Bravo.  The show is being retooled for modern audiences and will be released in 2017.

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Johnny Bravo debuted in 1997

We reached out to Christy Millhouse, president of Cartoon Network, for further details on the new show.

The show will be titled, Suzy and Johnny and is geared to be a more woman-friendly show. The Johnny Bravo character will be a sidekick to a young woman named Suzy. Suzy, a little girl in the original series will be the same age as Johnny in this new series and the new main character. The show will explore the dangers of street harassment and the struggles that the modern woman faces today.

The pilot episode will start with an apology to the audience from Van Partible, the original creator of Johnny Bravo. The rest of the episode will be Suzy explaining to Johnny why his approach to women is wrong.

During our online correspondence, Ms. Millhouse let us know what this new cartoon meant for the legacy of Cartoon Network.

“Johnny Bravo was a dark chapter in Cartoon Network’s history. We had this musclehead character harassing and sexually objectifying women for laughs. He was a symbol of the toxic masculinity that permeates our society,” stated Christy Millhouse. “He kissed a girl in one episode without her consent. We’re not proud of that. We influenced a generation of young men. We have Johnny Bravos out there now who think approaching women aggressively with bad pick up lines while flexing their muscles and dancing is okay. It is not. ”

As part of the modernization process, the old writing and animation teams will not be brought back for Suzy and Johnny. The new creative team is headlined by Andromeda Antony, a woman with a bachelor’s degree in woman’s studies, a master’s degree in gender studies, and a doctorate in woman’s gender studies.

We did not reach out to her for comment. She called us up. We still don’t know how she got our number.

“I’m loving this chance to change history. 2017 will have a new Johnny Bravo that women will love. I can’t share all the details now but expect a softer more feminist Johnny. The muscles and ugly yellow hair fin are gone. And with that goes the chauvinistic humor too. The influence of the old show is felt to this day. Some man tried to holler at me as I biked to work. He said ‘how it’s cooking, good looking.’ He objectified me sexually and assumed that I cooked. I do not cook. I am a strong proud independent woman who orders take-out every night. No woman should feel as threatened as I did when that man said that to me. Events like this occur because of shows like the old Johnny Bravo. ” said Ms. Antony.

With a new Johnny comes a new catchphrase. Fans of the show may remember Johnny Bravo would say “do the monkey with me”. His new catch phrase will be “fight the wage gap with me. ” We didn’t ask Ms. Antony for any more details, but she let us know the new show has had its conflicts behind the scenes already.

“One of the women on the writing staff said she found the old show funny. She said it was humorous for a muscly guy to be a dumb wimp who was terrible with women. She said she found the pick-up lines to be witty. I told her none of that is ever funny. Johnny once got in a woman’s view, moved in close to sniff her and then said ‘You smell kind of pretty. Want to smell me?’ That is not funny. She had to be let go. She thought the misogynistic comments were funny because society pressured her to find that funny. The poor girl had no mind of her own.”

Suzy and Johnny is expected to be shown on Cartoon Network in fall of 2017.

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We Want More Money

GOOD MORNING AMERICA - Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth and Josh Hutcherson of "The Hunger Games" are guests on "Good Morning America," 11/13/14, airing on the ABC Television Network.   (Photo by Fred Lee/ABC via Getty Images)

Jennifer Lawrence recently wrote an article about how gender discrimination had impacted her wages on American Hustle. She made only 1.25 million dollars or so during filming and that was not proper compensation according to her.

I am just so taken aback that she has something to complain about. She has more than most people will own in their life time. She has the privilege to work in an extremely lucrative industry that only accepts a select few. She is the highest paid actress. When accounting for actors and actresses, she is second to only Robert “Ironman” Downey Jr. She has earned the highest accolade in her profession, an Oscar. Everyone knows who she is. She has franchise action films set up to make her more money for many years to come. She has accomplished this all by the age of young age of 25. Yet Ms. Lawrence still feels as though, she has been slighted by society. She has been discriminated against. One of the most privileged people in the world looks at the few who have more than her and asks “Why don’t I have what they have?”

I’m not going to get into the myth of the gender pay gap because I don’t find it all that relevant to Ms. Lawrence’s case here. There is a personal responsibility that goes into contract negotiation. You have to convince them to pay you what you are worth. If you sign the contract, you’re agreeing to those terms. It’s not the company’s responsibility to make sure you get paid. It is on you.

Most of us do not have all the leverage when negotiating our salary. Some of us have to take pay cuts if we want to move to another company because they’ll find someone who will work for their set price. But when you’re the hottest actress on the planet like Ms. Lawrence, you have the leverage. You can turn down projects and only work when you want to. If Ms. Lawrence felt she was being unfairly compensated for her work, she and her agent could have easily walked out of that room. There’s no limit to the jobs available to Ms. Lawrence. If 2.5 million dollars for 19 days of work was sexist discrimination to her, she could have went somewhere else. And if Ms. Lawrence felt that all of Hollywood was underpaying her because she was a woman, she could have retired with all her millions at the young age of 25.

But instead she agrees to take the money and then writes an essay about how she was not adequately compensated for her work because of her gender.

I think Ms. Lawrence should take personal responsibility for her bad negotiation skills and leave sexism out of it. It does seem that her negotiation skills are improving because she’s going to make 8 million dollars more than her co-star Chris Pratt for their new film, Passengers . If Ms. Lawrence wants to be paid her worth, she should replace her agent with Number Two from the Austin Powers movies.

The Egalitarians!

Everybody’s fighting for equality. Feminists. Meninists. The NAACP. The GLAAD. The NSA. The BCCA and many more important acronyms. Each of these groups claiming to have the same goal. Equal rights and equal opportunity for all of mankind.

But I bet if you got all these these equality seekers in the same room, they would be at each other’s throats. The room would turn violent very quickly. Because they all have their own definition of equality. Some say the shaming of feminine traits to be the cause of society’s ills. Others think it all comes down to class and economic disparity. More might say it’s down to racial bias. The only thing these groups would agree is that the world is unequal.

But what if they all got along? They let bygones be bygones. They open their fists and close their mouths. They embrace one another. They burn all their t-shirts, posters and bumper stickers they needed to spread awareness of their issues. They cast aside their old labels. They throw away all their silly acronyms and hashtags. They have the same goal so why fight one each other? Why have different names? Their super equality group will be known under one name.

The Egalitarians.

They will eradicate bias and privilege of any sort. They will be the scale-balancers. Seekers of fair.

What is the first thing on the agenda of the egalitarians? Economic disparity. They go after the wage gaps between sexes and race. They gain ground easily with a frustrated public. A bill is pushed through the government that puts an end to unequal pay.

But that’s not enough. Still there are more male CEOs than women. More white engineers than minorities. Too many minorities in prison. People are trapped in circles of poverty with no way out. The egalitarians are now after equal opportunity for everyone.

They create incentive programs for other groups in science. They shovel money into poor neighborhoods. They improve the education system. It takes them over a thousand years to shatter the circles of poverty, but they manage to get the job down.

But equal opportunity is still not there. The extraordinary are ruining it. They have better genetics than the average person. Their faces are more symmetrical so people treat them better. Their minds are naturally sharper. This is leading to them making more money and taking advantage of more opportunities. A painter can create a beautiful painting and sell it for thousands. Not everyone can be a great painter even with hard work and dedication.

These extraordinary people must be dealt with. They need to be knocked from their pedestals and brought down to everyone’s level. Why should they get more out of life because they were born a certain way? That is unequal and the egalitarians are here to snuff that out.

The egalitarians set up checks in hospitals to enact their final solution for unequal opportunity. If your child is extraordinary, strange or different, it will be terminated. There is some resistance at first, but the egalitarians have too much power to be stopped. The genius, the stunningly beautiful, the mentally deficient, and the ugly are all eradicated. There will be no deviation from the group. Everyone will be on the same playing field.

The egalitarians use to science to modify people into one gender. Why should women get to enjoy childbirth and men cannot? Everyone’s skin color is drained from them until they are a pale grey. And with that, the world is finally rid of sexism and racism.

The egalitarians still find bias amongst humanity. People showing more preference and love to family members. They find comfort in people who are from the same culture as them. Why should you enjoy a person more because they share the same blood as you? This is not equal. And so the egalitarians destroy the family unit. Babies are ripped from their mothers. You are not a child to a person. You are a child of the world. You will show the same love to all children, not that of your blood. Everyone is your family. Everyone is your friend. Everyone is your lover. That is equal.

The egalitarians go out and destroy all forms of culture. Where there is culture, there are those who don’t belong. Those who don’t belong are not treated the same. That is unequal. Every church, temple, mosque is burned down. No more identifying as a group. You are all people. That is the only identification that you need. You do not need the comfort of people who think like you. You will find comfort in your fellow man.

People are moved around every couple of months to prevent them from growing attached to their region. If you love where you’re from, you’ll show love to others who are from there. You should feel at home everywhere.

The egalitarians are pleased by the results. Equality has almost been achieved. Everyone is on the same level. No one can achieve more than anyone. They show the same amount of compassion to their fellow man.

But there still remains the problem of thoughts. There are people who are pretending to be equal. They still have bias in their hearts. They are safe inside their minds to be as biased as possible. True equality can’t allow these pretenders.

The egalitarians build a machine that allows them to see the inner thoughts of every person. They know all thoughts. If you are biased in anyway, the egalitarians will know. They will find you. There is no hiding from the egalitarians. You will be terminated for your bias. It’s the only solution. The egalitarians cannot be lax, not when equality is so close to being achieved.

The egalitarians smile at their just equal world. They wish those of the past could have enjoyed it. The first egalitarians are long gone. This was their dream and they aren’t around to enjoy it. In fact the billions of humans can’t. They’re dead. The people of today and the future will be equal but not those in the past. Why should these people enjoy this beautiful equal future when others cannot? The living should not get preference over the dead. That is unequal.

Then the egalitarians see the truth of equality. So long as a person lives, they are privileged over those who are gone. And those who are gone are privileged over those who never had the chance to exist. Why should the losers in the race to the egg remain forgotten and unknown? That is unequal.

The egalitarians build a bomb that will erase every trace of mankind. Non-existence is equality. True equality at its core. The bomb goes off and with it goes mankind. But it does more than decimate the earth. The egalitarians were kind enough to spread equality through the universe. Why should only lifeforms on earth get to revel in equality? It engulfs the universe, leaving nothing.

Because nothing is equal.

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WHAT A SLUT!

I want to talk about the word, “slut”. “Slut” is a great word. I don’t get to use it often. It slides out of the mouth and has a nice kick to it. It’s one of the tamer vulgar words. You can slip it into a PG movie. I put it in the same class as crap and damn. Those are the words a first grader learns and becomes the coolest kid in class.

I am a believer that no words are bad words. People misuse them overtime and they become considered bad words.

From what I can remember from eighth grade lunch, a “slut” was a girl who was too sexually loose, or wore short clothes or danced with her butt in the air, or rejected you for your romantic advances. It was also used to describe just girls in general. Because it made you cool to use the word.

Most of the time it’s about a girl being too sexually loose. Not for dudes. If a guy is called a slut, it’s a joke. You slap your knee after you say it. But for a girl, it’s said with contempt. There is that double standard.

Dude gets lots of chicks and he’s like the bomb. But if a girl does it, she’s not the bomb.

My understanding of this was that it’s generally accepted that dudes gotta try harder than the ladies for one night stands. Some dude don’t like seeing women out there having a good time while they’re struggling. It’s like how people don’t like it when teams run up the score in sports games. Guy can’t handle the girl doing all that so he’s gotta insult her.

Sexual Diseases are also a fear people have. So some dudes and women-ladies label the loose girls to warn others even if they don’t have a disease. It’s not cool to do that.

And some men associate many different sexual partners with an inability to commit.I don’t know if the science is there, but I can understand skepticism. If you’re searching for a lifetime partner and the other person has been with a lot of people, you might be wary of their ability to commit to you.

Should people be judged by their sexual history? I think so. It’s a part of who they are. They made their decisions. They should just own it. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. It doesn’t make you a horrible person unless you slept with Bill Lumberg. Then you deserve to suffer for the rest of your sorry existence.

Should people be made to feel bad or shamed for their sexual history? Probably not. But it’s going to happen. That’s nature.

Or nurture. One of those.

Words only have power if we give them power though. It’s how you take in that information. You can’t let a bunch of losers like get you down by saying things about you.

This was a blog post. I’m done now.

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I can do anything better than you! Even suffer!

“OH MY GOD! GIRLS HAVE IT SOOO EASY! COACH GAVE THEM 15 POINTS!!!!”

-Twelve-Year-Old Me when a shutout kickball game became a tie.

In seventh grade kickball on Fridays, we’d play boys vs. girls. The boys always won in a slaughter but it was not a cakewalk. We’d have to kick with our left feet if we took an early lead. The gym teacher would give the girls more points if the gap got too big. One game we weren’t allowed to run. The concept of male privilege would have been as lost on Twelve-Year-Old Me.

It would be five years later that I’d faced with this idea of male privilege. My twelfth grade sociology teacher taught a class on the struggles of women through out time. I was slightly smarter at seventeen than five years prior so I took notes and paid attention in class. I was a good student. I had no trouble accepting that women hadn’t cruised through history. But then my teacher dropped this bomb at the end of her lesson.

“Even today men have it much better than women.”

My hand zipped into the air! I had to ask a question.

“You said men have it better. How can men have it better if you can be drafted to go die in a war just cause you were born a guy?”

My pencil was all ready to scribble down her answer. My brain prepped to soak in that sweet knowledge she was about to lay on me.

“I don’t think anyone should be able to be drafted.”

And then she gave us worksheets and that was it! I was left confused. I wanted to see her after class, but then decided to talk to my friends about video games in the hallway instead. So that question remains unanswered.

Do men have it better than women?

Virtually everyone would say it’s axiomatic that men have it better than women. I remain skeptical when it comes to the Western World.

I love reading crime statistics. That was a favorite hidden hobby of mine back when I was seventeen. I used to compare the trends of violence over the years to the portrayal in the media. It was like the more violence went down, the more violent stories were covered on television. Quite the dangerous inverse proportion.

One thing I’ve learned from all my fun time researching is that men are much likely to be the victim of a violent crime than women. They are far more likely to murdered, beaten, robbed, and a bunch of other nasty stuff. The only violent crime women outrank men is rape.

Men more successfully kill themselves more than women. Men die more on the job more than women. Men are more likely to end up in prison or become homeless. Can you say someone has it better if society is more likely to drive them to be a violent criminal? I’d have some trouble.

If you look at the tops of society, you will find men soaring. Men are more likely to be doctors, CEOs, and a bunch of other kickass stuff. But not many people look down and see the bodies of men laying on the ground. Men get to soar to the top, but they also sink.

I wouldn’t go as far to say women led easier lives. They have different equally as bad crap to deal with. I have trouble in general saying anyone has an easier life than another. It’s easy to observe someone else and pick out the good parts and not see what you might have over them. You might also miss what sucks about their life. Grass is always greener.

If you think I’m absolutely wrong and that men objectively have better lives than women, I’m open to hearing out your opinion. I’d love to have a discussion about it.

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The Zone

For Day Two of Valentine’s Week here on Cynic No More, I’m going into a familiar place for a lot of people. It’s caused a lot of pain, grief, and allowed trite quotes to be liked on Facebook.

The Friend Zone.

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Note here. When I say the word “men” or “women” always assume that I don’t mean all men and all women. Goes without saying but that I’d say it either way.

I. THE SITUATION

If somehow you don’t know about or been a part of this phenomenon, let me give to ya real quick.

Two Friends. One starts to develop romantic and/or sexual feelings for the other. The other does not return the feelings, liking things as they are. Leaving the friend with feelings in a situation

There are variations to the story. Some people wanted romance the entire time but felt more comfortable being friends before hand. Others develop feelings as time went on.

This is a rather sucky well-known situation that has led to many vitriolic blog posts from men and women alike. MTV made a television show out of this.

Much of the frustration comes from the passing of the burden of the feelings. Guys complain about friend-zoned all the time. Women feel attacked for not being interested in someone. Or they see the friendship was a ruse set up to trick her into sex.

The usual way it goes is it’s the guy getting friend zoned. I don’t doubt that happens to women, but it appears to be rarer. My female friends have never mentioned being in the friend zone to me. I never overheard the girls in the front of my homeroom back in high school talk about this as I eavesdrop. They more vented about men wanting only sex without commitment. Perhaps women are more likely to keep these happenings to themselves? Or just not share them with me?

II. OUTCOMES

Quite a few ways this can end.

The Guy Remains the Genuine Friend
The most agreeable ending. The guy recognizes they’re incompatible. He stays in touch and is happy to see her pursue love in other places. Their friendship remains strong. His feelings dissipate or kept in check for the sake of the friendship.

Image: FILE PHOTO: 70 Years Since The Casablanca World Premiere Casablanca

The Guy Cuts Off All Contact
See ya later! The friendship is over! The guy decides he’s not going to suffer and watch a person he loves, love someone else. I had a co-worker who went off about this during late-night shifts. She was a little socially awkward and was bullied by the girls at her school. So she opted to get guy friends. Without fail, all of them fell passionately in love with her. Upon her rejection of them, they all hit the road. They took away their late night texting sessions. They stopped their Skyping. They pretend like they didn’t know her.

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The Guy Plots
Some day he will escape this zone and her love will be his! The guy who remains the friend for today and plots his rise to romantic partnership silently in the shadows. Rarely works out.

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The Girl Ignores
He just couldn’t get the clue. Maybe she felt he betrayed her trust by pursuing her. Maybe she realized he wasn’t that great a friend after all. Ignored. Blocked. Removed from the Steam Friendlist.

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Mutual Split
It’s painful for both of them and so both decide to never see each other again. The downer.

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They Get Together
The girl decides why not give it a chance? The relationship works. This is the cutest outcome. Genuine love. Every time I see this happen for someone, I start giggling on the inside. Story tellers adore this ending.

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III. CONCLUSION

The drama here is that there is no real compromise between friendship and romantic relationships. A suitable in-between would shut everyone up. Friends with benefits is not it. I have not seen that go anywhere good. If you try to trickle down some romance into friendship, that begs a simple question. Why don’t you just date them?

I don’t think anyone should date someone due to pressure but neither should someone be a part of a friendship that isn’t fulfilling for them. There are limits to friendship. To desire more from a person is not wrong. Wanting to be the one who makes their beloved’s eyes light up and their heart melt is an admirable desire.

The Friend Zone breeds negativity. Close friendships end. People become bitter. Some develop toxic thoughts about the other gender.

All because a friend liked a friend more than they ought to.