Down with Bangs!

Yesterday I forgot to write a blog post. I got so caught up editing a short story for a writing contest that blogging slipped my mind. Now I have to punish myself by revealing an embarrassing secret. I’ve kept this secret to my chest. My parents don’t know about this. I’ve kept my friends in the dark.

But now it will come to light.

I loathe bangs!

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Every girl seems to go through this phase of trying out bangs to switch up their look. No girl has ever looked better with this type of hair. I’ve seen thousands of girls in my lifetime. Do you want to know how many improved their look by having bangs? Zero! And if it’s to express yourself, express something else! Please! I’m begging ya! It’s like you have Cousin It living on top of your head!

bangs

I know there are people who will point to Zooey Deschennel as an example of this working. She’s an exception to the rule, the one and only exception of all the bangs on this bang-infested planet.

They are the bane of my existence. If I could make one law, I would outlaw bangs. If you were caught with them, you’d be sent straight to the nearest hair stylist to get that crap taken care of. This is no joke.

My bangs hate goes beyond women. They’re the main perpetrators in the bang conspiracy, but I’ve seen some guys trying to pull this shit too. I am against bangs on any person or animal regardless of gender, race, national origin, religion, age, marital status, or disability. I don’t care if you’re a wheelchair bound Jewish Muslim from Tibet. If you got bangs, they have got to go!

So that’s my secret. I am prejudiced against bangs. I know many of you will never look at me the same way again especially if you have bangs. Just know that I don’t hate you the person. You’re as beautiful on the inside as you’ve always been.

It’s those bangs that I hate. Get rid of them.

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