Writing Prompt 3/3/15

You’re outside shoveling your own driveway when you decide, as a kind gesture, to shovel your neighbor’s driveway too. Just then a group of teenagers with shovels show up and threaten you, claiming that this is “their turf.” What do you do?

Okay. First off I would never EVER shovel my neighbor’s driveway too. He has a strange unhealthy relationship with his dog and he’s always snooping. I’m not going anywhere near his place. So this scenario would not play out. I wouldn’t even be outside in the first place. It’s dangerous out there. Why would I risk my life going outside to move some snow? Snow is going to go whether I move it or not. If I don’t move it, nature will. I’m not going outside and messing with Mother Nature’s business. Who am I to question Mother Nature? Maybe she put the snow there for a good reason. It might have been to counter act global warming. All this snow shoveling business could be what’s causing global warming if you think about it. Why else would it snow in certain places but not others? It’s all part of the natural process. Maybe if we left the snow where it laid, we wouldn’t have this planet warming problem.

But let’s say I decide to help my dickhead neighbor and play God by shoveling my driveway and his. If a group of teenagers threatened me, I would do the smartest thing that a man can do at any time. Nothing. I’d stand there and pretend to not hear them. I’d become a human statue. You can’t threaten a statue. Sure they could beat me with their shovels, but they would tire out. I would outlast them. I’ve been through many a shovel pummel. This would be their first human statue beating. They wouldn’t be prepared. I have a will of steel. The teens would move on and go watch Adventure Time or whatever it is teens watch these days.

Doing nothing at all solves many more problems than most people expect.

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