The Sarajevan

I grow tired and dreary, of her I grow weary
Hours upon hours of this tremendous snore.
The never ending yapping, the incessant chatting
Oh the incessant chatting, chatting I hear through my open door
‘She’ll leave soon,’ I mutter “Right through the front door”
but this is only a mutter and nothing more.

She remains here for evermore.

A Haunted Writer.

The writing process is a thing I see many people try to break down. Writer’s block seems to be an issue that many writers go through. Everyone has suggestions on how to get past writer’s block as if it were a problem. I wish I had writer’s block. It must be a blessing to not have something to say. It has to be a great feeling to come across a piece of paper and you can leave it blank. I can’t do that. I’m haunted by the ideas of my writing. The ideas I put down on paper float around in my head all day. These poltergeists just swim at the top of my brain waiting and sometimes begging me to be released. I just shoot them out in the form of words. The writing process for me is an exorcism. Sometimes I don’t do it well enough. The idea stays around because I didn’t do it well enough

I’ve got an endless supply of stories. I have so many stories and every once in a while one of them possesses me. I shoot it out with the hope it’ll be done. I shoot it out with the hope I’ve done it justice. I could write forever and forever. These stories never end. I could write a story about never ending stories. I walk past a tree and think “How did that tree get here? What did it experience? What has it gone through? That’d make a good story.” Whenever there is a comments section anywhere, I have to leave a comment otherwise what I wanted to say will haunt me. This happens with conversations too. Often times I find myself realizing what I should have said in a conversation¬† long after everyone else has forgotten it. Those things haunt me forever. There is no expelling them. I can try to bring up the conversation again but it’s never quite the same. It never goes away. Forever haunted.

I read my old blog posts on here and I could write all of those things over and over again. I read my old news stories and realize different angles I could have taken them. One story I’ve written has haunted me since college began. It started as a short story. Then a short screenplay. Now it’s becoming a novel which I hope to adapt to a long screenplay but no matter what format I pick, I can never get rid of it completely. I try to start other projects but it keeps possessing me. It wants to be gone. It wants to float into the world and be experienced at its best.

It’ll haunt me until I can give it what it wants.

Too Much Negativity

Over the past year on this blog, I have said a lot of negative things. There’s something wrong with being so negative. I need to take a look at the world in a different way. There’s a lot of reasons to be happy. There’s a lot of reasons to have hope in humanity and life.

I’ve listed all of them below.

What is it?

You can throw words at it. You can try to explain it away but you never get close enough. You try to use your best analogies but language fails you. You can say it’s like a burning sensation in your chest. Or a euphoric feeling that fills the body. But that just doesn’t seem right.

You can look up what scientists have said about it. They say it’s just a chemical in the brain, but that doesn’t help you gain any further understanding. You lie to yourself and say you understand it now. But you know you don’t.

You can try to read what other people have said but it never seems quite the same once it happens to you. It’s different for everyone. Sometimes you expect it. Other times it just hits you in the face and you’re stuck with it.

You try to figure out what it takes to satisfy this. Is it an urge? Is it just something that passes by? Is it wrong? Should it go away? Sometimes you need it to go away but it doesn’t. And other times it disappears when you weren’t paying attention.

You hate yourself for it when you need it gone. You see yourself as weak. You can’t get this monkey off your back. Is it an obsession? Do you need help? But nobody can help you. It’s different for everyone.

You lie to yourself and say that it is gone or that you never had it. You put on an act to convince yourself. You say it was never there or you misunderstood your feelings. It just sits there simmering in you waiting to pop out.

You either give in or torture yourself. You’ll regret not giving in. You’ll regret giving in. It seems impossible to win.

But what is it? A chemical? A word you should say with caution? A reason to make big mistakes? Just what is this thing?

I’ll never understand.

Memetic Infection (or Internet Hipster)

It has gone too far. It truly has. Memes have gone mainstream. I look on Facebook and I see people liking pictures with the faces below.

A meme is an idea that spreads quickly from person to person within a culture. At least that’s what the definition of a meme used to be. Now it seem to stand for unfunny macros posted on a Facebook page. I’m not liking this next evolution of them. It used to spread in the anus of the internet. Parts of it would trickle into the rest of the internet but eventually they would all die out. Now they are an infection and they don’t go away.

I liked internet talk staying where it belonged, on the internet. That’s the culture of internet. Facebook has bridged it and I just can’t get behind this. I feel like sch a hipster when I say this, but it’s too mainstream now and it’s not funny. I liked it better when I didn’t hear the word “troll” while out in public. Memes were never that funny to begin with.

I guess I’ll just have sit back and take it. There’s nothing that can be done. This infection can’t be stopped. Nobody wants it to be stopped. I’ll just ride it out. As I think about it, it’s not that big a deal.

I had this same sort of feeling when CM Punk became an extremely popular wrestler during last summer. He had all these new friends who had just started liking him. I got over it quick but for a moment I almost wished he had never broken the glass ceiling and become so exposed. Then I realized that was stupid. He deserved to be appreciated.

I don’t feel the same about memes. I don’t like that they are now exposed because I liked them and thought they were part of some secret group of the internet. I hate them going mainstream because they were never that funny to begin with. Trolling, U MAD, Forever Alone were all just shit I chuckled at once or twice as I scrolled down other posts.

Now my school has its own page dedicated to terrible school-related renditions of already tired jokes. As a friend of mine once told me, Just let it go. That’s what should really be done with these memes, let go. Left alone to float in cyberspace until the end of the internet. (That’s coming soon)

I hate The Joker.

Ever since the Dark Knight came out, everyone out there is trying to be like the Joker. They use playing cards and chattering teeth.¬† They commit crimes while quoting the movie! It’s asinine! The movie is almost four years old and crooks out there are still acting like this nimrod. I’ve never been a fan of the Joker. He’s not marvelous like people want you to think.

The Clown Prince of Crime is one of the biggest disgraces in all of villainy. For all his jokes, murders, and “maniacal” laughs, he’s a bad villain. When I say bad, I don’t mean bad like Michael Jackson but bad like the Super Mario Brothers movie .He gets caught all the time! How can people worship this ineffectual buffoon? Batman catches his dumb ass again and again. The Joker is only able to do what he does because Batman is an idiot and doesn’t just kill him. And the city of Gotham’s justice system for some reason, won’t put this waste of space to death. He’s not crazy. Believe me. I know crazy.

What this baboon does isn’t even that great when you really get to it.

The beginning of the Dark Knight is so highly praised. I’m still getting e-mails from some of my buddies about how we have to do something just like that. I almost vomited when I watched the opening scene. An overly complicated bank heist where he “cleverly” tricks some dumb henchmen into betraying each other so he can make off with the money. What bullocks! No villain would ever do a job with some crazy clown known for pulling stuff like that. After that heist, he would never be able to pull another job. Nobody would work with him. It’s unrealistic! Even if he was offering cash, who’s going to work for a guy who shoots his own coworkers? You’re better off robbing the liquor store down the street for money than working with this guy. That’s what any person with a functioning brain would do.

And don’t get me started on his purple suit and clown make up. I know some guys out there need a gimmick to make them stand out. But clown? Clown? What the hell kind of gimmick is that? Oooh! Look at me! I laugh and tell jokes! Oooh! I’ll make a pencil disappear!

Please. Spare me.

What ever happened to just getting the job done? Is that so hard? This clown guy would have been shot in the face the first time he tried to hold up a gas station. He’d get popped right in the face the second he tried to tell someone how he got those scars.

The Joker is so bad as a villain that I was cheering Batman. Cheering for the hero!

Now there’s this new guy in the next movie called Bane. Judging from the leaked video I saw online, there’s going to be crooks out there soon mumbling and wearing stupid masks. Why can’t Hollywood end this love affair with with Batman! He has no good villains!

I’d love to see a movie with Darkseid in it. Now there’s a true villain.

Until next time my loves!