In other countries, some people don’t have food on the table. They don’t even have tables. They must eat anything that they can scrounge up. These people will eat whatever they can get their hands on. However not even those people will not eat the food available at Eickoff, the College of New Jersey’s Dining Hall.
“My lunch at home is whatever I can lick off a rock. That is better than the stuff they try to give us at Eickoff.” said Ung, a starving child from the isle of Samoa. This past Wednesday, a group of children from across the world were brought to America to experience a different way of life on a trip known as “Different Strokes Tour of the US” The “Different Strokes Tour” ended up near the College of New Jersey to show the children what it was like to eat at the most prestigious public university in New Jersey. The children were not impressed.
One child burst into tears and curled into a ball after being shown a slice of Eickoff pizza. Instead of eating Eickoff food, the children gnawed on the leg of a table for fifteen minutes.
“I feel sorry for anyone who have to eat here. Each day I only eat a grain of rice and each night I listen to my stomach howl in hunger. But at least I know I will never have to come back to this place. ” said Jerrybob, a starving child from Britain. The children asked to be removed from the dining hall after one cook brought out a specialty known as Root Beer Chicken. Eickoff’s root beer chicken is banned in seventeen states due to its demoralizing effect. It is believed to be linked with the overall terrible living environment that TCNJ students suffer through.
“I don’t understand why those kids left early. There’s plenty of steamed chicken and root beer for everyone. ” said one Eickoff cook. TCNJ is currently under investigation by the UN for inhumane treatment of college students and improper use of root beer. One student who wanted to remain unnamed is glad that this incident occurred.
“I’ve been here for over ten years. I took one bite of that root beer chicken and lost all motivation to live. They renovated it but that was just a front to get the feds off of them. The quality of the food has gotten worse and worse. I’m forced to eat it because it’s the only thing my body is conditioned to digest. That’s why I’m still here. It’s all I can eat. Please kill me.”