In a shocking move, the Student Finance Board denied College Union Board’s request of ten human brains this past Wednesday to summon Beelzebub in the Student Center for Halloween.
Beelzebub, also known as the Lord of the Flies, originally agreed to appear if the Student Center was flooded with the blood of a thousand chickens. However his price has gone up.
“When we contacted Beelzebub to see what it would take for him to appear in the student center, he gave us a range of a hundred dead chickens to ten human brains. Of course this holiday season, Beelzebub has grown more popular and now wants more.” said a representative of CUB.
Beelzebub has recently seen a surge in popularity in part to his new torturing technique in Hell. He has flies crawl on the inside of the skin tearing it apart from the inside.
“There’s a lot of uncertainty when it comes to these type of things. About two years ago, we tried to summon Lucifer using the first born son of one of the faculty members. However things feel apart and we ended up having to summon Cthulhu. It was such a rush job. Nobody enjoyed watching him devour the souls of the innocent school children. This year we wanted to try and get someone people would actually want to see. Everybody read Lord of the Flies as kids.” said a representative of CUB.
Beelzebub was not available for comment.
” We already used most of this year’s supply of human brains to make a deal with the devil to win this year’s homecoming game. Human brains don’t grow on trees.” said SFB’s Executive Director after denying their bid.
CUB is currently looking at lesser creatures such as The Stay Puft Marshallow Man and Casper the Friendly Ghost to summon in the Student Center.
SFB did approve the Necro-American Associations’s bid for two human brains for their first, Necro-American Cuisine Awareness Dinner.
“Necro-Americans are a minority in this world. I think spreading awareness of their culture could really benefit the college campus.” said a member of SFB