The gift that keeps on…

I am an awful gift giver. I’ve never gotten my mom anything for mother’s day unless she complained the entire day and forced me too. I used to get cards when my parent (the one who wasn’t getting a gift) gave me like ten bucks. Once I got older, they expected me to get them gifts and cards. And I was awful at it.

I couldn’t even give my best friend a good gift for all her birthday parties she invited me with. I once wanted to give her this game I had got called Tales of Symphonia (pretty good game). I put it in a bag and I went off to the party. Then about 3 to 4 hours later, I would leave the party, get back home, and realize I still had the gift.

This happened like two years in a row. I always felt so bad so I would just play the game afterwards in some way rectifying it.

I haven’t gotten my parents any gifts for Christmas in years nor have I even tried to give them anything for their birthday. My mom tells me that because of my attitude I won’t get anything for my birthday.

Then she takes me out for dinner every time.

I never feel that bad though. I say “happy birthday” to them and I try not to bother too much. I don’t like the idea of a physical gift or even a card. It’s just a traditional thing that people expect to get. I feel like it just mean as much. I don’t expect to get gifts from people on special days. An acknowledgement of my birthday is nice but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if nobody said anything.

I do feel bad for my parents. It pains me to do inauthentic things like give gifts when I don’t really want to. They expect these things and are disappointed. It probably part of the major rift between us.

I know some people would say to just do it for the sake of the relationship. Do it to make them feel better.

I just can’t. It violates something in me. I feel horrible when I do gestures without meaning it.

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2 thoughts on “The gift that keeps on…

  1. Lots of respect for this post.
    I think anyone who knows this about you would feel especially honored if they ever did receive a heartfelt gift from you.

    I never expect gifts, and my family doesn’t either, which is pretty great.
    When I really care I’ll usually make something for someone, or give them something special of my own.
    I get absolutely crushed when people don’t like my gifts, though. I think you’re better off than me there.

    Also who could this fabled best friend be? Hmm…
    I’ll bet she appreciates the thought, even years after the fact.

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