Student Finance Board denies CUB’s request for human brains.

In  a shocking move, the Student Finance Board denied College Union Board’s request of ten human brains this past Wednesday to summon Beelzebub in the Student Center for Halloween.

Beelzebub, also known as the Lord of the Flies, originally agreed to appear if the Student Center was flooded with the blood of a thousand chickens. However his price has gone up.

“When we contacted Beelzebub to see what it would take for him to appear in the student center, he gave us a range of a hundred dead chickens to ten human brains. Of course this holiday season, Beelzebub has grown more popular and now wants more.” said a representative of CUB.

Beelzebub has recently seen a surge in popularity in part to his new torturing technique in Hell. He has flies crawl on the inside of the skin tearing it apart from the inside.

“There’s a lot of uncertainty when it comes to these type of things. About two years ago, we tried to summon Lucifer using the first born son of one of the faculty members. However things feel apart and we ended up having to summon Cthulhu. It was such a rush job. Nobody enjoyed watching him devour the souls of the innocent school children. This year we wanted to try and get someone people would actually want to see. Everybody read Lord of the Flies as kids.” said a representative of CUB.

Beelzebub was not available for comment.

” We already used most of this year’s supply of human brains to make a deal with the devil to win this year’s homecoming game. Human brains don’t grow on trees.” said SFB’s Executive Director after denying their bid.

CUB is currently looking at lesser creatures such as The Stay Puft Marshallow Man and Casper the Friendly Ghost to summon in the Student Center.

SFB did approve the Necro-American Associations’s bid for two human brains for their first, Necro-American Cuisine Awareness Dinner.

“Necro-Americans are a minority in this world. I think spreading awareness of their culture could really benefit the college campus.” said a member of SFB



Fatal Flaw

Each of us has something wrong with us that could be our undoing. Some people are too nice. They can’t tell off people. They allow themselves to be taken advantage of.

“Oh you need somebody to bail you out of jail again? Sure thing buddy.”

This flaw is a hard one to deal with. How do you know when you’re being taken advantage of? What’s the alternative? Do you act mean? But what if it’s not in your nature? Are you doomed to help people just because they ask you? Doomed to spend time with people you dislike but just can’t be mean enough to get rid of them? Are you doomed to allowing people to disrespect you just so they can be happy?

Maybe your fatal flaw is being too courageous. You run headfirst into everything. You just dive into a situation and don’t care what happens. You start project after project but never finish any of them. You make obligation after obligation but then realize you can’t possibly meet them all. People get hurt when you fail.

Maybe your flaw is that you get too connected. You like someone and then they don’t like you. It’s over for them. They’ve moved on to their next partner. But it’s not over for you. You obsess over it. You can’t get over it. You’re broken into pieces. A part of you is gone and you can never get it back. They left with a piece of you. You’re left watching them continue their life, because yours has sopped abruptly. Maybe you’ll get back into a relationship with a bad partner because you’re so connected to them. Maybe you’re afraid of being alone. A lot of people are. People can share the same flaw.

Maybe your flaw isn’t so depressing. Maybe you talk too much. You talk so much that you don’t notice people couldn’t care less about what you have to say. If only you could be quiet, you wouldn’t alienate people. You can’t stop. You just keep yapping and people grow tired of you.

Maybe your flaw is jealousy. Just the thought of the one you love being with another just burns your insides. What if that thought became reality? You spend your days being miserable. Even if you get apple of your eye, you’ll always be paranoid people are trying to get them. You can never sit back and enjoy them.

Maybe you’re afraid of dying. You can’t bare to face the end. You know you can’t escape it. It haunts your day to day to life. No matter what anyone says, you and all your friends are going to die. It’s something that’s a part of being a person. You will one day not be around. Religion can help you, but can you really be sure that there is an afterlife. All your thoughts, perceptions, and memories could cease to be at the drop of a piano. Every day could be the last one.

Or maybe your flaw is that you’re not afraid of dying. Who cares about death? I’ll live each day to the fullest. You don’t care what happens to you. You don’t care about the people around you. You know that they’ll all be gone someday. Why bother caring? In a mere thousand years, nobody will care about you. So why bother even living by the rules of society or having friends?

Maybe you’re an attention whore. You need the spotlight. You tell lies just so people care about you. One day you’ll be a bisexual. The next one, you’ll say you don’t think gays should be able to marry.  You have to tell better stories than people. You crave that attention. Without you’re reminded of your other flaws.

Maybe you’re just an angry person. You can’t control your temper. You’re hot headed and it gets you into trouble. You get fights. You never knew when someone might come back for revenge from one of your beatdowns.

Maybe you’re just a greedy person. You can’t help it. Having more money makes you happier even if it comes at the costs of your relationships. Why bother going to your son’s baseball game when you can make an extra hundred dollars staying late at work. You need to show people how rich you are. You want to have it all. Why care about other people’s wealth? You work hard and you deserve to make 475 times as much as they do. They’re lazy and you’re not.

Maybe your flaw is where you live. You never stood a chance. It’s not your fault you were born in a country with lots of starving children. You just weren’t as lucky as those kids in America who have time to be jealous, angry, or talk too much. You won’t even make it to age 6. You’ll die and nobody will care. Maybe you’ll be in a picture or a nice statistic during a presentation by people use to show how awful the world.

Can people fix their fatal flaw? Are some people just predisposed to self destruct? Is that just how the world is?

Should you tell people about their fatal flaw? It seems to be the right thing but at times it can truly screw with a person’s brain. Just remember everyone has at least one fatal flaw.


What’s the absolute worst thing a person could do? Is it killing another person? What about raping about person? What if they raped and killed a person? Is that two times as bad as just doing one or the other? Is it worse to kill a child over an adult? What if the person was a jerk and deserved it? What would be a suitable punishment for any of these crimes?

Should people who kill be killed? Should the same be done to rapists? Or should we try to rehabilitate them? What if it’s not possible? Do we just throw a bunch of dangerous criminals in one place and lock them away for the rest of their lives? What do we do if we put an innocent person in jail? Do they get some sort of reparation?

Can you balance out your crime? If you stop someone from being raped, can you be forgiven? If you save a life, can you go home? If you hit someone with your car, and pay for their hospital visit, should that be it? Or should there be further punishment? What if the victim doesn’t care? Should the government still be able to step in?

What if you don’t kill a person? What if you kill or rape a dog? Should that have the same punishment as a person? What if you rape two dogs? At what point should you receive the same punishment as killing a human? How about fish?

Would the police step in if there was a fish rapist on the loose?

What if you kill an animal that’s endangered? Should you get double the punishment?

What if you kill a million people? We can’t kill you a million times as punishment. We can’t throw you in jail for a million life terms. Should we just torture you? Is torture a good punishment? Also, at what point does this become genocide? A hundred? A thousand? What if they kill a hundred people indiscriminately in a region? Is genocide worse than mass murder?

What if someone kills a person who commits genocide before we could figure out whether torturing them was alright? Is vigilantism something we should punish? What if someone shoots some guy after he’s been sentenced to death? Should they be punished?

What if some guy raped and murdered hundreds of children, endangered fish, dogs, and cats?! Should we just blow him up?

Is that the right thing? Is it the moral thing?

It’s hard to gauge this.

I’ve always thought that murder wasn’t seen as bad as rape by the general public. Dexter is a TV show where a killer kills killers. I don’t think it would have been green-lit if he had been a rapist who raped rapists. People can cheer on a thief, drug dealer, or serial killer. I don’t think you can get them to cheer on a pedophile or rapist.

Unless that rapist is a man who has sex with intoxicated women in a comedy. Then again, our morality doesn’t come from films. It’s just an imperfect reflection of it. Films are made to appeal to the general public, but even then you can often see some people don’t like the idea of glorifying serial killers.

Murder is a hard crime to judge. Eye for an eye seems to make sense on the surface level. You kill people, so you need to be stopped. But murder isn’t so black and white. We have different degrees of murder. In our society, it matters if you planned it out beforehand or just lost it. It also matters if your life was in danger or if you were protecting someone else. In America, assisted suicide is not allowed, but in other places it is. Sometimes you can kill a person and it’s not murder. You can still be held responsible. Sometimes people die due to mistakes by corporations and nothing happens.

The simple act of killing a person is much more complicated than it seems. It’s up to the law to figure out what to do.

Should our laws be flexible? What if we change them after someone’s been convicted of a crime that we’ve decided no longer exists? Should they still pay their “debt” to society?

Speaking of debts, what if someone can’t pay off their debt? Should they go to jail?

Or even worse!

What if some guy doesn’t tip his waiter?!

What if you tie up vegetarians and force feed them meat loaf?

What if your lover likes smelly  violent sex with blood, fish, vomit, poop, and sexual fluids all over the place? Should you get in trouble for that? Is that moral?

All this morality stuff is hurting my head…

Daniel Bryan Danielson

Good work

(If you don’t like professional wrestling please proceed to another blog post.)

There is plenty wrong with professional wrestling today. Ratings are down, old superstars are retiring, and Alberto Del Rio is champion. But why? Why is professional wrestling stuck in a slump? Why is Triple H the focus of the show after CM Punk set the world on fire?

I’m a simple consumer who sees the problems in today’s program. And I’m going to point them out because analyzing is what I do best!

I’m going to be talking about the current direction of Bryan Danielson a.k.a Daniel Bryan.

I enjoy watching Daniel Bryan in the ring. I can’t even begin to properly praise everything he does while he wrestles. I know that whenever he steps into the ring, I’m in for a treat. Of course in the WWE, they say it takes more than in ring skills to be a success story.Daniel Bryan has had his ups and down in the WWE. He was on NXT season one and eliminated himself after a huge losing streak. During the show, Michael Cole would talk down Bryan. He would call him a nerd, a geek, worst of all, a goof. Bryan would end up punching Cole in the face later on, but to this day during any Daniel Bryan match, Michael Cole does not shut up about Bryan being a nerd.

After his elimination, Bryan would later become a part of the Nexus. However during this huge event, he was fired. He went “too” far when he choked out a ring announcer with his tie. Thankfully he was brought back in the main event of Summerslam where he tore up the place. He soon entered into a program with his former NXT mentor, The Miz.  Bryan got two great matches when he worked with the Miz. He became the United States champion.The crowd was connecting with him. During the fall of 2010, he regularly appeared on PPVs from Night of Champions to Survivor Series. His match against Dolph Ziggler at Bragging Rights was tied for Match of the Year with the main event of Wrestlemania 26. It was one of my favorite matches of all time. Things were going good for Daniel Bryan.

That is until he was paired with two divas and turned into a ladies’ man. He wasn’t on the TLC PPV. He wasn’t featured as prominently. He was left off RAW shows. His matches got shorter. He started losing more.  He lost the United States Championship to Sheamus. Their rematch was supposed to be at Wrestlemania, however it was dropped at the last second. Daniel Bryan was then drafted to Smackdown where he lost several matches. He entered a program with Cody Rhodes (Great Wrestler) where they exchanged victories with Rhodes coming out on top. It was okay. And he got a new nickname, D-Bry. Bryan didn’t seem to have any direction.

Then this happened.


Daniel Bryan won the Money in the Bank briefcase. I was surprised. He was going nowhere, but then bam. He was now guaranteed a  world title shot anywhere and anyplace. I thought WWE was finally warming up to him. He started a new website. He started uploading youtube videos of him doing submissions. After Money in the Bank, he was on PPV in a singles match for the first time in 2011. He went up against Wade Barrett. I thought this was perfect.

Then he lost. And he lost. And he lost. Week after week. I think he beat Heath Slater but come on, it’s Heath Slater. And then he wasn’t on Smackdown.

I’m a little worried. I can’t tell if the WWE has some grand plan for Daniel Bryan. They aren’t good at long term plans. They seem to have Bryan losing to make him an underdog. I guess this could work out, but I don’t know why they are leaving him off TV. I think TV time is very precious to any superstar’s connection to the crowd. Daniel Bryan is not a John Cena or CM Punk where he can get the crowd pumped by just talking. He needs to wrestle. It’s what he does best. That’s how he gets the crowd going. Otherwise this whole storyline could go kaput if nobody cares about him at WM28. I’ll always be supporting him, but I’m not sure the average fan cares about a guy who loses again and again and isn’t on TV that much. The WWE is taking a gamble with Daniel Bryan that they have done with others and have failed. Losing streaks usually don’t help wrestlers get more popular than they originally were. I hope things work out for the best, otherwise Daniel Bryan winning the MITB would been for nothing.

I don’t think this losing streak is helping Bryan at all.

Continued in.

The Black Identity.

Is it a desirable thing to be “black”? Should it be? Should people be proud of their skin tone?

Then again, being black is a lot more than just a skin tone. People care a lot more about a particular complexion more than they care about the color of your shirt. There’s people with dark skin who aren’t considered black. As it stand now, It’s a form of identifying yourself. It’s a subculture.  It’s not an identity you can get rid of. (unless you happen to have light skin and never tell anyone about your ethnicity). For the most part, You can’t wake up and say, I don’t want to be black anymore. It’s not like your clothes which you can change. It’s a permanent status even beyond the grave when your skin is long gone. You’ll still be black then.

What does “black” actually mean?

It used to mean that you were three-fifths of  a human and happy to be enslaved. It was to your benefit.

It also used to mean that you were a violent,white woman raping, subhuman or if you were a woman you were a promiscuous sex desiring subhuman whore.

That’s not the meaning given to blacks these days.  It’s hard to describe it. Before just being black meant you couldn’t have a lot of things. Today you can have most things. America has tried to make being not as much as inconvenience as it used to be in the past. Now blacks can intermingle with all the races.

You would think after integration, skin tone wouldn’t matter. Isn’t that what we’re aiming for? We don’t want people to be discriminated against because they look a certain way.

But that’s not the case. Blacks still very much have a black identity.

Now close your eyes for a minute. (After reading the next sentence.)

I want you to picture in your head, the average American.

Now I want you to do the same and imagine the average black person.

Compare and contrast this.

There’s a certain way that people think black people act despite our integration. In high school, whenever I would eat chicken, somebody always made a “funny” joke.

I think those kind of jokes are fine. I’m not offended by them , but they made me notice something. I had a friend who would eat chicken everyday and nobody every made jokes about him. The difference between us? Skin tone. If I wasn’t black, I would have been treated differently. They saw me as a black man first and a person second.

I’m not saying that they thought I was inferior or that they hated black people. They didn’t. However I was treated differently. I’d have friends who’d make the comment that I wasn’t like other black people. Or that I acted “white”.

They had an idea of what black people were.  Black people acted a certain way. They dressed a certain way and they did certain things. If you step out of line of these assumptions, then you’re different.

I was told by some people in high school that I was their only black friend. I could never tell how to take this statement. Is that a good thing? Should they get more black friends?

Another example.

When I walk around my college campus, random black people I have never met, say hello to me if I make eye contact. Why do they do this? I would never have done the same to a stranger. Students of other skin tones don’t do the same.

Here’s another.

I frequent a wrestling discussion board. One of the prominent posters put up a picture of himself. Some of the posters were shocked that he was black. Why were they shocked? Why did they think that he wasn’t black beforehand?

This idea of being black has always bothered me. My mother tells me that I need to get more black friends. She tells me that it would be a good thing for me. Am I missing out on something by not completely embracing my black identity? I’ve never taken much pride in it. It’s just there.  I’d include it on a top ten list of things I can identify myself by, but that’s only because it’s hard to come up with ten things.

If I had to join a club and the options were black or wrestling fan, I’d pick wrestling fan over black.

Am I missing out on some great thing?

X’s Everywhere!

sXe for life baby!!

It’s Edge Day, 2011.  I’ve claimed Straight Edge for longer than I actually understood what it meant.

I’ve always had labels placed on me. Weirdo. Black. Annoying. Disappointment. These are all things that people attached to me for years as a child.. These labels defined who people thought I was. I couldn’t define myself. I never fit into any group. I remember when I was in fifth grade. We were throwing a ball around.  My best friend at the time told each of us to use a special skill. One of the kids was a bowler so he should throw it like a bowling ball. Another kid played football so he should throw it like a football player. The best he had for me was to throw a ball like a guy from Dragon Ball Z. This little conversation sits with me today. How do I define myself?

I was always called strange, weird, bizarre and other of those kinds of adjectives. I never could figure out why. I would just do what came naturally to me. Why was that weird?

I still couldn’t define myself as I got older. I was a son and a brother. I played video games. I liked reading books. I liked to annoy people. But there is more to a person than that. I can’t remember the first time I heard the words, Straight Edge. Something prompted me when I was in middle school to look up Straight Edge.

And I found this promo by CM Punk.

I didn’t know who CM Punk was at this time, but this promo made me want to know more about straight edge. I wanted to be real. I wanted to be straight edge. It led me to Minor Threat.

Minor Threat’s Complete Discography was only one of three CDs I listened to. (The others being, Will Smith’s Willenium and 50 Cent’s Get Rich or Die Trying) I couldn’t understand the words. I looked up the lyrics once and forgot them. I liked the sound of it. I never looked for any more stuff like them. I didn’t know where to start.

I remember reading the words online. Straigh Edge is a lifestyle for those who don’t do drugs or drink alcohol. I was a D.A.R.E. graduate. I was taught how drugs and alcohol were bad. I hated cigarettes and longtime despised alcohol. I remember refusing standing next to a girl at the bus stop who smoked. I found it disgusting.

It was easy for me to say, “Yeah that’s me. I’m straight edge.” back then. For once I labeled myself. It wasn’t something I could take pride in yet. My friends didn’t do drugs yet. I spent most of my time away that sort of scene. I didn’t have any reason to yet to declare to others how I defined myself yet.

It was a label I kept in my back pocket for years. What an explosive label it was. It simmered for years until high school when an incident really just turned me into the man I am today.

There’s a lot to this label of Straight Edge. You say those words and sometimes it’s like stepping on the tail of the rattlesnake. People get so whiny when you suggest drugs are lame.

It’s brought me a lot of good times and fun. Happy Edge day to you and to all a good sober time!

Gamers are Grade A suckers!

I’m convinced they are the biggest suckers in the entire consumer industry. Ed, Edd, N Eddy should have went into the video game business, they’d be living in a town made of jaw breakers!

The video game industry is making oodles of cash. So much fucking money. More than the movie industry.

Why are gamers suckers?

Exhibit A: Defending the prevalence of locked out content in today’s gaming industry.

I remember back when I was a kid. You played a game and there were this thing

What was it called again? Oh yeah. Unlockable content. You beat the game or did some special mission, and wham bam. You could play as Spider-man wearing a paperbag over his head. Sham Zam! You could unlock Fred Durst. You didn’t have to buy it at a special place during the first week the game came out.

It was in the game already. Now? Your ass better make sure to preorder it at Gamestop. Of course then you won’t be able to get the costume at Amazon. Or the exclusive UK costume. Content you can never have. Is whiny to complain about two costumes? For 60 dollars, they better be jam packing these games to the brim with content.

I hear gamers say that developers need to do this to entice first day purchases. Whatever happened to including a booklet? Or a special figure? Too expensive? When your industry makes so much damn money, you really have to scrap for that preorder bonus money? Or the cash you get when people end up having to buy it when you release it later. The suckers who don’t release it was done and available on the same day as the game but was left out intentionally.

The worst are the dummyheads who buy map packs. Psst. Hey. You. Yes. You. Stop it. Cut it out now. $15 for a couple maps? Why are you such a sucker?

The thing I hate is that years from now all these games with locked out content that you have to download an unlock key will one day have those servers go down. Content forever lost because of the greedy fucks and the sucker consumers who just gobble it up.

Exhibit B: Giving up Consumer Rights

You know how you can sell a car after you buy it? You can sell a fork after you buy it? You can sell a book after you read it? You can sell a movie after you’ve watched it? Well the game industry wants a piece of that cut when it comes to selling used video games.

And people think they deserve it? What class A suckers!! They believe that you only own the license to play one of their games and thus they deserve a cut.

Only in the game industry because gamers just sit back and let the companies push their shit in!

Oh God? New Call of Duty! 60 bucks? Xbox Live went up? Who cares? Just take my money. What’s that? If I buy it used, I can’t get all the content? Who cares I don’t buy it used, I love you forever. Hmm? You want it to be so that once I play a game disc, it can never be played again? Sure. I only play games once.

Such Suckers.