Study finds that Alcohol and Recreational Drug Use is the root of all evil.

According to a recent study published by credible resources, recreational drug use has been linked to the cause of all problems in the world.

Researchers found that people who take drugs and drink alcohol aren’t the same as people who do not partake in such things. They may not even be considered human anymore. The researchers referred to them as monsters.

According to Terrell Owens, a doctor at some credible university, a person changes permanently after drug use.

“The signs of these changes can be detected easily. We gave a serial killer some cannabis to ingest. We then set him loose on the nearby city the next day. 14 people died. Each death increased in brutality. When we asked him why he did it, he said ‘Because I’m evil.'” Owens said.

They redid this experiment using more serial killers and different drugs such as alcohol and bleach. ” It was interesting to see how these murderers reacted. Most of them murdered innocent people mercilessly. Others told us they could stop. We poked them and threw rocks at them from our cars until they finally attacked someone. Truly evil at its worst”

“We then tried this out with lesser criminals. Most of them continued their crimes after taking drugs. Some haven’t yet, but we know they will someday”.

This came as no shock to one cynical college student from New Jersey. “I’ve told people for years that drugs were bad. The D.A.R.E. Lion told me so. Why would a lion lie to me? That’s just not in his character.”

The lion was not available for comment. Dr. Owens hopes that in the future people will see the benefit of not using drugs and alcohol.

“Drugs and alcohol are very dangerous materials and they will ruin your life, eventually. I’ve never taken any drugs or alcohol and look at me, I’m a doctor. Don’t you want to be a doctor?”

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