There’s a new Looney Tunes show

There’s a lot wrong with it! For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, you can take a look at a clip here of Elmer Fudd singing about grilled cheese.

What happened? Why is Elmer Fudd singing about how much he wants grilled cheese? I’m not sure what Cartoon Network was thinking with this one.

That clip is just a small part of this show. The premise behind this new show is Bugs and Daffy have moved into a house together and now live in a city in modern times. They meet old faces like Porky Pig and Yosemite Sam.

There’s a lot wrong with this show. I think the biggest problem is the departure from Looney Tunes slapstick humor. The humor in it is sitcomlike.

Here’s an episode. Daffy is rejected from a country club. He pretends to be someone else and he brings Bugs in. The two of them play tennis until Lola walks in. She and Bugs go on a date. Bugs realizes she’s annoying and the relationship must end.

I can sort of appreciate them trying new things with these characters, but this feels like they just shoehorned Bugs and Daffy to make a profit off of sitcom stories. I don’t think anyone watched the original Looney Tunes for the kind of humor in this show.

They should have used different characters. I expect Elmer Fudd to be trying to get the wabbit , not gwilled cheese. When I think Looney Tunes, I think anvils, ducks getting shot, and witty dialogue.

The world is also so very calm. In the old shows, it was anything but that. All the characters lived in this chaotic world where they just tore each other a part and I loved it.  I don’t see how somebody watched those cartoons and made the episodes that they have made.


That is scary.

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Speech from an “Honorable” Man

People say you must have honor in life. What is honor though?

Honor can be defined as distinction, approval, respect

and perhaps as a promise

that one makes to themselves or to others.

It is said that you must honor your marriage vows

The truth is nobody really knows what honor is.

For all you know, I could be honor.

I respect my identity

and my unblemished work

People approve the direction my life is taking

and the success that comes my way.

Nothing in this world can

shatter this will of determination and diligence that I’ve created. All the distinctions

that I have earned, are online, preserved

for future generations to see. I know

my future is as bright as a lit match in a dim cave. Or  even the surface of the Sun.

Nothing will ever be enough for me. I want fame and fortune. Honor

is not enough to satisfy the greed

that coats the insides of my heart. I crave. I desire. I want.

With each of its beats, I feel my desires flow

into my veins. They motivate me to expand

the depth of my honor. Even an honorable man

like myself is fueled by greed at times

Honor and Greed seem to be opposites in our society.

The truth is Greed and Honor are not mutually exclusive.

There is honor among thieves after all. Greed is something that we are born with

and must deal with before it consumes us.

Nobody is born with honor. You have to earn it,

but unlike other things in life, you can cultivate

your own honor until it is enough.

to save the world, except the honor will

only be yours because you define it

and desire it.

 

Honor is nothing more than a word.

Honk!

Honk! Honk! Steven Gates grabbed his vibrant red orange nose and smiled at Tom. This year was Tom’s tenth birthday. Steven had been there for his past four. He whisked out a dark blue balloon and tied it into the number ten. He handed it to Tom while continuing to honk his nose. Tom yawned and threw the balloon in a pile of miscellaneous birthday junk. He then ran inside with the other boys to go play Call of Duty: Black Ops on the Xbox 360. Steven knew not to follow him inside as this was a sign that Tom wasn’t entertained by clowns anymore. He was outgrowing the clown phase of the birthday party. Tom’s eleventh birthday would not need the services of a man whose only degree was from Clown College.

Steven looked over at the adults who had remained outside. They were all shaking with laughter at his performance and Tom’s complete disinterest. Steve hobbled over in his two foot long rainbow clown shoes. He hopped in the air, clicked his heels and fell straight on his face. A sea made of glitter and deflated balloons sprang into the air and rested on top of Steven. The adults exploded in laughter. One of the fathers walked over and went to help Steven up. Steven flipped over and kipped himself up to the amazement of all the parents. He gave the father a handshake before turning to the other parents.

“I don’t think he likes clowns anymore.” said Steven as he stuffed a balloon back into his pocket.

“It’s a damn shame as well. This year you’ve really outdone yourself. Some of the moves you’ve done tonight, I sure couldn’t pull off.  You planned on falling right now, didn’t you?”  asked the father who had tried to help Steven

“A good magician never reveals his tricks. Clowns also follow this mentality, though we deal more in general mischief than tricks.” replied Steven whilst shining up his nose

“You’re such a good sport, Steven. I’m sorry that Thomas just ran off like that. Last year he really enjoyed you coming over.” said Janice, Tom’s mother

“The other boys didn’t like me last year though. I suppose my clown work is done with this group of kids. I came. I saw. I clownquered. It’s all been a great time, Janice.” Steven crammed all his stuff into his gym bag and threw it over his back.

“Steven, you don’t have to leave now. You’re just as welcome as any of us. You’ve given a lot of smiles over the past few years. Please at least wait for the cake to be cut and for Tom to make his wish. You always left after the cake was cut and the kids all get hyped up on sugar.  Have some lemonade for now.” Janice said firmly. Steven was filled with a sense of belonging. He was not just a clown for hire as he had thought. He was now a family friend. He and the parents sat down at the table. They all urged him to take off his purple pointed hat and magenta wig. He shook his finger at them.

“You asked for Pedro the Clown and that’s what you’ll have to deal with until the cake is done, people.” Steven smiled as the words escaped his lips.

“You clowns really have a dedication to the act. I guess I shouldn’t call Steven when you’re wearing that.” replied Janice.

Nobody at the birthday party knew him as Steven other than Tom’s mother. Everybody else knew him as Pedro the Clown or Pedro the Magnificent for when Steven tried to mix up his act by adding in magic tricks. Nobody had been happy with that act except for Janice who always encouraged Steven’s attempts. Parents were on and off. Some would stay and others would leave. All of them had heard of Pedro the Clown though. From Tom’s sixth to ninth birthdays, Pedro the Clown was as loved as the freedom that America enjoys. Steven realized that now those days would be behind him. No more Tom rushing to hug him when he walked out of his clown van. No more kids painting their faces to try and look like him. No more Janice convincing him to take an extra slice of cake. No more Janice helping him pack his never ending handkerchiefs into his sleeves when the kids weren’t watching. No more Janice to talk to in the kitchen as the kids played pin the tail on the donkey. No more Janice at all.

“I’ll allow you to call me Steven as this is looking to be my final performance. So you can call me whatever you like. I’ll answer any questions that you might have about me.” Steven honked his nose as he gazed at Janice’s frizzy red hair. He had never noticed how lovely it was. He wouldn’t be seeing it after today. He had to be honest with himself. There’s no way a woman would ever like a clown. He was just a funny guy to her and that was it.

“This is going to be your final performance? Don’t you have other kids to visit? Tom’s party can’t be your only routine in the year.” questioned one of the parents.

“I’m not actually a full time clown. Janice called me up when I was hanging up my boots. I had been clowning around for about two years. It can be very tiring doing a lot of parties in a week. I work as a math teacher at Huntington Elementary. None of the kids recognize me as Pedro the Clown. They really dislike me. One even said that I was no fun at all. ” stated Steven as he applied more white paint to his face. Janice’s jaw dropped. The rest of the parents’ eyes widened at this revelation.

“You mean to tell me that Pedro the Clown is Mr. Pierdo? My children hate you for all the homework you assign.” shrieked a mother out quickly.

“I can’t believe after all these years; you haven’t told me your last name. Is this some kind of secret from the children? Strict math teacher Pierdo is secretly Pedro The Clown. You’re like Batman, Steven. I can’t believe this.” Janice punched Steven in the arm. Steven rubbed and wagged his finger again.

“You’d best behave before I assign you twelve pages of arithmetic. You’ll have to do all the questions and all the parts to them. A-E, no exceptions allowed.” Steven said as he picked up another glass of lemonade. The parents sounded like they were all children again. The sound of their laughter carried into the video game room. This prompted Tom to yell at them to be quiet. Steven honked his horn until it fell off which got the parents laughing even harder.

“So what do you do, Janice? I’ve revealed my secret.” questioned Steven as he reattached his nose. Janice had always made sure to never mention her job. Steven thought that she was embarrassed by it.

“I’m a waitress. No big secret really. I don’t like talking about it much however. Tom’s father got me the job before he passed. That’s why I don’t like talking about my job that much.” stated Janice with a frown on her face. Steven stared into her eyes and felt the mourning that she felt. He hated how he made her think of such a horrible repressed memory of hers. She looked bothered. Steven was relieved when Tom came back and requested for his cake.

The kids slowly made their way back to the table outside. Everyone sat down at their place. Steven sat there solemnly as he eyed the last plate he would ever have with Tom and his group of friends. He’d ruined everything during his last time with these people. Tom looked at him with dislike.

“Pedro, why are you still here? You’re going to eat some of my cake? I don’t even understand why my mom invited you this year. I told her that I hate you and your stupid balloons. Your stupid face paint is coming off. Your clown shoes are getting all worn out since you wear the same pair every year. I hope that I never see you again. You embarrassed me last year and you’re embarrassing me now. You should just go now. You’re not needed anymore. If you even think of coming next year, then you’re just proving that you’re a complete loser with nothing to do in your life. ” snarled Tom with disdain in his eyes. Steven stared at the boy. He had been called a loser by children before all the time after tests were given. Detentions were usually given, but this was the birthday boy. Tom knew he was untouchable. Tom wanted Steven to know that Tom’s birthday and Pedro the Clown were now mutually exclusive. Tom returned the stare down until his mother called him to go out blow out the candles to his cake. Tom had made his point and now he would bask in the glory in his birthday.

Steven picked up his gym bag from the table. Everyone was now crowded around the birthday boy. Steven walked toward his van making sure that he wasn’t seen by any of the party guests. He took one last look at the group of people that were now surrounding Tom on the tenth anniversary of his birth. Steven remembered the look on Tom’s face when they first met four years ago. Tom was so young and much nicer. Tom had introduced himself to Pedro the Clown. He was so accepting in those days. Every year after that Tom was always so excited to see Pedro the Clown. Steven knew that he would look upon those days with much joy after today is over.

His father’s passing last year changed him much more than Steven had anticipated. Tom had become selfish because his mother spoiled. His wonderful mother was raising one boy by herself. His beautiful mother just couldn’t bear to see her son suffer like she did. Steven didn’t want to waste her time anymore. He had no place here. Her heart was bleeding and Steven could only make things worse. He was no good at fixing things other than student’s mistakes on math papers. He was just a clown. He was nothing more than an entertainer. He should have kept it only business. He should have never offered to come for free this year. He should have known that Tom was going to grow up. He should have known that he stood no chance of ever having Janice.

Steven left the party for the first time without knowing what Tom had wished for. It didn’t matter anymore to him. He just wanted to get out of there before he had the chance to make more choices that he would regret later. Steven went back to his apartment and washed the clown paint off of his face for the last time. He took off his clown shoes and his wig. He threw it in all in a box and locked in it away in a closet. As far as he was concerned, the world would never see the comedic styling of Pedro the Clown. He went off to bed with hope that he could just get back to work on Monday as Mr. Pierdo and leave Tom, his birthday, and Janice all behind him. They would be locked away with Pedro the Clown and become a distant memory.

The weekend passed by fairly quickly. Steven had gone about his day as usual. He had his morning job before breakfast. He ate his eggs sunny side up with a side of toasted bread. He graded papers during the afternoon and made note of which students needed extra help. And then it was Monday. He went into his classroom. None of the students knew what unfolded during the last few days. Pedro the Clown wasn’t even a hero to them anymore. He was nothing more than a lame clown that none of them wanted around. His work day ended just the same as they had always. He went into the teacher’s lounge and saw that a letter had been left for him. Another teacher told him that a student had given it to her and told her to make sure that Mr. Pierdo got it.

Mr. Pierdo opened the letter and it read:

To Steven or Pedro the Clown,

I’d prefer that things didn’t go the way that they did. Tom told me the reason you left early. He’ll apologize to your face tonight when you come over for that piece of cake that I promised you. Please call me sometime. I left my number on the back of this just in case you might have forgotten it over the weekend.

-Janice Strider

I LOVE ME SOME WRASSLING 2!

(If you don’t like professional wrestling please proceed to another blog post.)

There is plenty wrong with professional wrestling today. Ratings are down, old superstars are retiring, and John Cena is champion. But why? Why is professional wrestling stuck in a slump? Why is John Cena champion?

I’m a simple consumer who sees the problems in today’s program. And I’m going to point them out because analyzing is what I do best!

ILMSW: Entry 2 (State of Monday Night RAW)

What’s Wrong With It?

  • RAW has a very distinct lack of faces. The show is disjointed because of this. Last night’s RAW showed this. In the opening segment we had Rey Mysterio, Del Rio, Miz, and R-Truth come down. 1 face (Rey) and three heels. There’s only two major faces for the many heels on RAW. So many people are left without direction on the show.
  • Dolph Ziggler is one of these victims. He is wrestling matches against people but there is no storyline purpose to his actions. The audience has no reason to connect with him other than the fact he is announced by Vickie Guerrero. He’s lost all his identity. I can’t tell if it is part of a story or not.
  • Michael Cole’s storyline has gone on far longer than it should have. Bad guys get their comeuppance. He’s going to get his but there was no reason for it to have taken so long. He’s been a major part of RAW for about four months now. There’s nothing fresh. It’s the same old thing. WWE should have ended it earlier
  • The Miz is boring.
  • Alex Riley wrestled.
  • CM Punk didn’t do anything.
  • The New Nexus is still around. They have no purpose other than to get beat up and sell Nexus shirts.
  • John Morrison was recently injured and that hurt his program against R-truth. Truth has to focus on Rey for the next month while Morrison heals up. This leaves Del Rio with nothing to do.

What’s Right With It?

  • The triple threat match was good. Everyone looked good coming out of it.

What Should They Do?

  • Between Miz, Del Rio, and Truth, somebody has got to go to Smackdown.
  • Either move a face to RAW or build up Kofi Kingston more. There’s a big gap between Kofi Kingston and Rey Mysterio in terms of importance now. Fixing that gap could help RAW be a better show.

I know the WWE won’t read this, but I like writing about wrestling. It’s fun.

A Beginner’s Guide to Straight Edge

Some people out there are confused about the Straight Edge lifestyle. They are confused and they ask several questions. Don’t worry! I’ll clear up all the confusion by answering questions sent in by people from across the world! My associate, Andy from Salt Lake City will be aiding me in answering these questions!

Question 1 from A. Jarvis: What is straight edge?

Me: This is one thing many people are horribly confused about.

Andy: Straight Edge is defined as no drinking alcohol, no smoking, no recreational drugs, and no promiscuous sex on page one of the Straight Edge handbook. That’s pretty much it. Anything else you’ve heard is just bullshit.

Me: We should probably talk about caffeine too. That’s controversial.

Andy: I don’t touch the stuff but I’m not going to kill someone for drinking coffee. People can be addicted to that  stuff like other drugs. Some need it to wake up in the morning. I don’t need it because I’m never tired. I get the right amount of sleep every night unlike the rest of America.

Me: I drink coffee either but sometimes I forget soda has caffeine in it. So I’m tricked into drinking it!

Question 2 from T. Tang: Where does Straight Edge come from?

Me: Minor Threat. Ian MacKaye didn’t like the way people in the punk music scene treated people who didn’t do drugs. They made fun of them. So in 1980, he wrote the song straight edge talking about he was just a person like all of them except he didn’t do all the drugs they did. This gave straight kids like him an edge. Straight-Edge. Then he wrote Out of Step. You should look up Minor Threat’s discography and listen to get it.

Andy: Ian MacKaye is one badass motherfucker. I hope I can rock the bald look when I’m his age.

Me: I don’t think he’d appreciate how you live your life, dude.

Andy: What are you talking about?

Question 3 from J. Nelson: Why do people need to call themselves straight edge? Why do you need to tell everyone? Why can’t you just keep it to yourself?

Andy: It’s because doing drugs is so absorbed by our culture that when people see you without knowing you, they assume you’re a pathetic drinker just like them. That shit pisses me off. That’s why I got an X tattooed on my face. It’s the only way people will know what I am.

Me: It’s nice to have a name for what you are.

Andy: Yeah. If it wasn’t called straight edge, it’d be called something else.

Me: There are people who don’t take the label and share the beliefs.

Andy: Those people are fucking idiots who think straight edge is a cult.

Me: It’s also an easy way to find other people who share your beliefs. Like in college, this one guy was wearing a Have Heart Straight Edge shirt. It was then I knew we would be best friends forever.

Andy: It almost makes me feel more important because I’m a part of something bigger than me.

Me: It’s like religion without dealing with that god bullshit.  A power that comes from within not outside.

Question 4 from P. Obsessive: Why are Straight Edge people jerks?

Me: This is a generalization. Similar to asking why are all americans fat?

Andy: Because they are sick of the shit thrown in their face everyday by a poisoned majority. Straight Edge is a movement towards human progress. White supremacists thought Martin Luther King Jr was a jerk but he got shit done because he was vocal about it.

Me: Straight edge also breaks down into several groups of beliefs. Not everyone who is straight edge shares the same beliefs.

Andy: Yeah. That’s very common.

Me: There are the only for me people. They are drug free but don’t care if people do drugs around them either because they just don’t like the feeling of drugs or they don’t care what other people do.

Andy: The uncle toms of the straight edge movement.

Me: That’s not nice. I have a friend like that. he plays beer pong and has someone else drink for him

Andy: That’s the most disturbing thing I have ever heard. How can he wear an X proudly when he falls in line with society’s problems. Being tolerant of them is the problem. Intolerance isn’t a bad thing. Your friend needs to learn that

Me: Then there’s people like me. I’d greatly prefer to never see drugs or alcohol again but I have to live with it in my life because my friends do the stuff and going through life with no friends is boring.

Andy: Get new friends who don’t do drugs. Surround yourself with people who share your beliefs. Otherwise you’ll be miserable. Once I became straight edge, I ditched all my old friends and got new ones who were  functioning human beings

Me: That’s not possible. This leads to my last group of Straight Edge, militant.

Andy: You’re just as militant as I am. Being militant doesn’t mean you carve Xes in people’s backs and burn down bars. It just means you care a lot about a movement.

Me: You do carve Xes in people’s backs, man. I’m pretty sure you burned down a bar last week.

Andy: This is a war on drugs, dude. We are the soldiers. Me, you, and your buddy from college. We have to set humanity on the right path. Look at the lives lost per year because people have to have “fun”. The youth of today has to learn the difference between right and wrong. In my eyes, Straight Edge is right. Our mindset is the best one. We’re the only ones that have heart in today’s world. We have to stand up and show that we aren’t a minor threat to society. We must carry on in this battle. I’m sick of it all man. I’m ready to fight everyone and slapshot every druggie I see.

Me: I kinda agree but one day you’re going to go to jail for the things you do.

Andy: Martin Luther King Jr. went to jail. I’m ready, dude. Bring it on. I’ll bust some drug dealer heads in jail

Question Five *Blog Exclusive* from Z. Chong: What is the worst drug out there?

Andy: You’d think it’d be like heroin, but actually it’s alcohol.

Kofi: I completely agree. People think alcohol is harmless and it’s shoved in the face of children. I remember I used to watch TV as a kid and I used to want to drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade thinking it was a better version of lemonade.

Andy: Society makes alcohol worse than everything because it’s accepted. Cigs are bad but smokers are second rate citizens. They are being taxed to poverty. They can’t smoke in buildings or where I eat. Commercials tell you all the time that cigs are bad, but not alcohol. I won’t rest until people who drink are treated as second class citizens.

Me: Okay. Well that’s all the time we got. I hope people out there are less confused about this lifestyle I live.

Andy: Hopefully we convinced some of these spineless losers to put down that beer and make something of their lives. I doubt it though. Social norms have a tight firm grip on the balls of people so I doubt any of them are strong enough to be straight edge. They’ll pussy out and continue to live meaning lives.

Me: Alright bye bye now!